Departed June 2d 1761
Personalia of our dear Sister Esther Rothera in
Hallifax.
Our happily deceased Sister, was Daughter to Mr James
Farrer in Soyland, in the Parish of Hallifax where she
was born Febr 2d 1706 O.S. and brought up in the
principles of the Church of England in a carefull and
religious manner.
The following is her own account (of her was noted down by her
Br Joshua Metcalf from her own mouth:)
“When I was 8 Years old, I can remember, that I was
weary about the Salvation of my Soul. I felt the
drawings of my Saviour in my heart (and thought
the Lord meant to shew me something more than
the rest of my Brn & Srs or even any of my kindred).
About the Age of 13th I was made more sensible of
the Corruption of my nature and convinced that I
was not right, but how to find Rest for my heart
I knew not. My guilty conscience made me ev’ry
where afraid. I often thought the grand Enemy of
Souls was in the room with me, and was so frighted
that I would not sleep alone in a room so that
they were obliged to take me into that of my Father
and Mother. My Father departed this Life soon
after, and When I was 15 Years old I was turnd
into the World to earn my own Bread. My Mo-
ther would not let me live in a publik Town,
she had a concern for my Soul, and thought it
was too dangerous for young people. I went
therefore to live with a Widow Woman in the Country
and stayd with her near 2 Years. One of my
Sisters sent afterwards for me and desired me
to come and live with her, which I did. Ha-
Having been with her some Years I returned and soon
after went to live at Hallifax. Being nowWhen I was25
Years old I got a fresh Call from my dear Lord, I
saw my sad wretched and dismal State, which I
was in by nature, with more conviction and distress.
I had no rest in my Soul by reason of my Sins. They
increased and the depravity of nature grew
stronger & stronger. I made one promise after the
other, took one resolution after the other to leave off doing
Evil and to mend my manner of Life, but all to no
purpose. My good will came to nought. Alas! I had no
power in myself, Nature ruled, Sin was my Master,
and I was a perfect Slave.
In my 27th Year I changed my condition & was married
to my husband Crispin Rothera. I hoped thereby to be
delivered out of dangers, and that to become more religious
But this availed nothing neither, I was conscious that I
was not in a State of heart that could please God. My
poor Soul had no rest. I often knew not what to do for
trouble of mind and Anxiety of heart. Certainly, thought
I, there is no rest and Comfort to be found in any state
whatsoever, that I can see into, as yet. O thought I,
what a dismal condemned Situation am I in, having
no rest in my heart by day n or night. I went con-
stantly to Church, and Prayers, read religious books &
did all I could, but remained the same, as I was.
At Length I got to hear, that a new Preacher, One
Mr Ingham, was to come to Hallifax & to preach in
the Church. Him I went to hear, his preaching confir-
med me in my thoughts, that I was in a lost and un-
done Condition, which he set forth as I found it in
my own heart. I went home full of uneasiness of mind,
and condemned in heart, retired into a place by myself
fell down upon my knees in order to pray, but
could do nothing but Sigh. My heart was quite broken,
and I wept abundance of tears. How I felt then I
cannot express in Words. I got some comfort and
hoped it would go better. But I found however no
abiding rest and Satisfaction for my heart.
A little time after I got to hear that some Germans or as
others called them Moravian Brethren came to preach in
Hallifax. They brought us the sweet & comfortable Tidings
of the Salvation of Sinners thro’ the Sufferings & Death
of Jesus, inviting the poor and miserable to come just
as they were to their wounded Savr and seek for
Grace at his feet, declaring that he had redeemed us and would freely
save us from Sin, & give rest to our Souls.
Their Words came with power to my heart, I rejoiced
at this good News, and got hopes that he would have
Mercy on me poor miserable Sinner. I frequented
their Meetings as often as my poor State of health
would permit. When I went the very first time
to Smithhouse to a Meeting there (and came on the
Bank Top,) I was thrown fromby the horse. I thought
within myself, this is the Enemys Doing, to keep me
back and to hinder me from going. I went however
forward, (and desired those that were with me, not
to tell my husband or others of it, lest he should
hinder me to go again.) I was a quarter of a Year
sick afterwards. The more I heard the Brn the more
I saw the deep Corruption of my heart, being of a
proud, passionate temper, and inclined to be self rightious.
I resolved to be our Saviours with Soul &
body, and parted with whatsoever I thought would
prove a hindrance to my happiness, and step in
betwixt me and our Savr. I used to spin worsted
and had saved the bits of Ends now & then to
make in time a pair of Stockings out of them
This I looked upon as an Injustice by wch I had wronged
the Master. It caused me much Uneasiness. I could not
be satisfied, till I had confessed it to the Owner and made
Satisfaction. He looked upon it as an instance of great
honesty and had ever after a great respect for me.
I thought, whosoever will be reconciled unto God, must also re-
ctify all unjust things between Man & Man.
Br Ockerhousen came afterwards to keep Meetings at
Hallifax, which I attended with blessing for my heart, beg
ged to be under the Brn Care and in their Society, wch
also was granted to my great Joy and was thankfull for it.
I continued also to go to Church but seldom heard what my
Soul longed for; and often sighed: Thou o dear Jesu! Shalt be
my all, my Sacrifice and Priest. Thou art too strong for all
my bitterest Foes. None can thy Blood successfully oppose.”
Upon her earnest request she was received into the Congregation
and got her right and Title amidst the Flock & house of God
and she
was admitted to the holy Sacrament
her Spirit was lively, but her tabernacle subject to many In-
firmities. An Asthmatic disorder hindered her these many
Years from going much abroad. But as long as she could
creep, she seldom missed any Meetings. To read the holy
Scripture was her private comfort, and she had got very
much aquainted with it, and thought much abt under-
standing the same and feeling in her own heart what
she read. These latter 12 months past her Infirmity grew
stronger and her short breath has prevented her from go-
ing as far even as to the Stanary. But during the Meeting
she usually had her private Devotion to the head so
full of bruises (and was very glad when any of her friends
would tell her the Subject of the Discourse.) She loved
the Congrnwith all her heart, (All the scandalous reports
defamatory Libels or reasoning agst the Brn did not shake
her. She believed solidly the Brn Church to be our Savrs
peculiar people and rejoiced that she had the Grace
to be a member of the same. She often said to those
that reasoned agst them or brot all sorts of Tales to her:
“The Brn will stand and all those that are against them will
be confounded and found Lyars, for the Lord is with them
She and her husband had some years ago got Leave to
come and live among the Brn at Lambshill, But her
husband from a Scrupulosity abt his coming thro &
getting his Livelyhood, declined it. She was often
grieved abt it and said: “Tho she loved her husband very
much, yet that thing she could hardly forgive him.)
Their house was open for the Brn at all times, and she their thought it a great Blessing if they would put
up with the Entertainment and reception she could
give them. She was these many months in great
pain all over, but could forget it easily when she
had an opporutnity of conversing with any one abt
our drSavr and his Wounds. Many of her Neighbours
and acquaintances came sometimes to talk with her.
They had a peculiar confidence to her and told her
freely their troubles (whether outward or inward) She
used to comfort them with the meritorious troubles
and Sufferings of our blessedSavr for us (When
she met with any that had fallen out, or had an
Enmity agst each other, She would tell everyeach one
that it came from their bad heart, which they
at such opportunites shewd itself, that they might
know it, and seek to our Savr to be cured) She was
one of them that endeavoured to make Peace between
persons and her Counsel was often blessed &
successful. (A few days before her Dissolution she
desired that some persons might be called to her, be-
cause she knew that they thro Reasoning had
brought themselves into Darkness and were suffering harm,
Those abt her said: It would be of no Effect, she would do no
good to them, she should let it alone, because she was so weak
and would only make herself uneasy, She answ: Pray,
let me do it, one does not know, what the last words of a dying
person may effect upon them. Her Sr Alice Metcalf was
these several months mostly abt her in the day time, and can
not express, what a Blessing she has been to her in the troubles
of mind in which She was of late.
One has those many years expected that she would not hold
long, but her peculiar Chearfullness, patience & Sinnerlikeness
made them all think, that our Savr would take her home
unto himself, and that she would not recover this time)
Last good fryday after the publick Meeting, she
had her Share in the holy Sacramt brought unto her by Br
Pyrlaus; she received it with great Bowedness & Eagerness &
the Transaction was attended with an awfull and sensible
feeling of the nearness of our tormented husband. And
this proved to be the last time. (When Br & Sr Pyrlaus was
to visit her June 2d and spoke the Communicants, the latter
spoke also with our drSr: & asked her, whether she thought
she would continued till she had got the Corpse & blood of her
dr Spouse in the Sacramt She answd no, I shall no more be
here, but no matter, I shall keep it with him above, & so
it proved, for she went home the same night & day
before midnight.)
Some months ago, when she thought that this her present Illness
would be her last, she expressed constantly her Concern about
her husband. O said she, nothing troubles my mind, but when
I relfect upon my husband I am anxious. I know him
best, I am in pain for him. She often with Tears begd
him to cleave close to our drSavr with his whole heart and
to take the Brns advise and never to leave them. Br Pyr
(She was advised to resign him up to our Savr, and to
not to make herself uneasy. Our Savr& the Congrn would
certainly for do all what they could to help & ad
vise him, in case he shd be left alone). Towards
the last she dropt this her concern, resigning him up into
our Savrs hands & the faithfull Care of ye Brn. He
told us, that the close Connexion she had with our Savr
in the day time, continued also in the night, he often
was waked by hearing her sing in Sleep, she sometimes would spoke tenderly with our Savr and often had re-
freshing Dreams of him. (Four days before her dissolut
ion she dreamed: That a man came to her Bedside
and took her Drinking Pot, drunk all up, that shehad was put there for her refreshment. She thinking it
was her husband, reasoned within herself & thought It is
however quite wrong in him, to sip oftake my Drink, all ye
little refreshmt I can take, and to But at Looking at
him It struck into her mind That it was the Saviour. O
thought she: It is my dearest Savr he is wellcome to it,
he shall have me and all what I have. She catchd hold
of him at the same time & cried: Dont leave, dont
Leave me, take me with Thee. He thereupon took her by
one arm, threw her over his Shoulders. She clasp her
arm round his neck & Thought Well! new he has me
I will hold him fast. And while he carried her away,
She lookd back on her Bed to see, whether her body
was gone too but she saw it behind, and thought Its
no matter, I shall get it once agn. When she awoke
they saw she was extraordinary chearfull & happy and
the meditation on this dream made her forget the Pain
and strengthned her wonderfully. and several other
pretty dreams she had, at times, that are to long to insert
here).
All her neighbours, relations & acquaintance came to see her
in her Sickness, and were suprized at her Chearfullness and
Confidence in our Savr & went away much affected, testi-
fying that she certainly was a happy woman. Her
Land Lord having been to See her, said: She is a Sheep,
if there is any. An other: If then is One in heaven
is One. Some wept bitterly saying: O that my departure
might be like unto hers
May the 26 when Br Pyrlaus visited her, she her Tongue be-
gun to faulter, however she assured him, that she felt our
Savrs Nearness sweet & precious in all her pain, & that she was
as a poor needy Sinner reconciled & her heartwished for his
last Visit. O I long to be soon with him & to see (my Be-
loved Man) the Savr of my Soul, & to kiss his Wounds for my
Election. Pray give him a good word that he may take me
soon. Among many sweet Verses her mind fed upon, she
was at this time peculiarly charmed with this:
I’ve yet One Suit, what is it?
dost thou the houses visit
then make a Stop at mine
and do not pass it over
approve thyself our Lover
and leave evn here thy Peaces Shine
Three days after, fryday the 29. She had a great desire once
more to see her LabourerBr Pyrlaus (for she thought she shd not
continue till Tuesday. & desiredBr Metcalfto go to Wike tocame accordingly take at 7 oClock in ye Evning to call him) He went that Evning & had his
last Conversation with her. She said: Dr Br (I have allways lo-
ved you and respected You as a Servt of our Savr and had a great
desire to see You once more, you have been allways blessedto my
heart.) I am quite ready to go, there is nothing, nothing at all that
makes my heart heavy, noth’g in betweeen me & my drSavr he is
mine & I am his. I go as his poor Sinner to him, I have noth’g
to bring But his Blood and Righteousness, wch he has given to me
I am in peace with all Men, I love all my Brn & Srs: neighbours, Re
lations & friends (my outward matters are also in order, I have
given Charge, how I will have it at my Funeral, I wit have neither my husband nor any body else to mourn for me I shall be hap
py and there is no Cause for Mourning. I will lie with my Brn
& Srs in Lambshill & I have that the promise for it.) My husband I
have resigned up to our Savr & to ye Brns (To my Sickworker Hanah
I owe much Thankfullness:) Now I pray You Salute the drBrs
& Srs in Lambshill for me tenderly, I have loved them, tho’ but could
not see them often. I shall see then with our Savr &c Thereupon we
met at her Bed, as many as could conveniently be called
and kept a Singing hour with suitable Verses, fell upon
our knees and prthankd our Savr for the Grace he had
bestowd on her, recommended her to his thro pierced
heart & begd that he might grant her her longingDesire
to be soon at home with him and rest in his dr Wounds
A very Sweet Feeling of our Savrs presence was attending this
last Liturgy, (of which every one is a witness that was present.) From that time her
Dissolution hasted on and
June 2d (4 days after when I and my wife came to see her
she was not able to speak much, but lay still, not much
mindfull of any body, not inclined to converse, SrPyrlaus
stayd with her some hours & put her in mind of the ap-
proaching Sacramt had her last Conversation with her.
SrHendrinte also calld & saw her and that same Evning)
before Midnight her dr beloved Bridegroom gave her
the last unction & Kissd her Soul home to himself while
several of her Relations sung her some Verses. The
Text on that Day was:
On that day you will ask me Nothing Tears from the Eyes will flowthe Senses will be closedand think Lamb, Thou but Thou! her Corpse had a smiling & agreeable Aspect & bespoke
the peace in wch she went.
(The 5th of June was the Day appointed for her Funeral, She
was carried by 8 of our Brn from her Dwelling house, after
the Verse. The Savrs Blood & Righteousness– her finry was
her Wedding Dress– to ye Stanary thro the midle of the
Town all the Spectators behaved with Respect & looked
at with Awe. A great many followd us to the Mee
ting place attended in great Stillness the Discourse Br
Pyrlaus kept to them from 2 Cor 5, 8. We are confi-
dent & willing rather to be absent from ye Body & to be
present with the Lord and after the Meetg she was
put into the House Litter, which had come from Lambhill
for that End, and brot up the New Road to Lambshill
where Br Latrobe after the funeral Discourse kept the Liturgy
for her & Jams Oates a youth in the Single Brn house also
from this Plan, & these 2 corpses were brot with full musik
and a solomn procession to the Burying Ground there &
laid to rest with the Blessg of the whole Congrn
