I am aware that the cold hearted reasons I
would deride my sentiments as Enthusi
asm spring 3 from ignorance of the world
& a false judgment of men & things. But
even now in my 76th year, after having
contemplated various great Characters, the
opinion formed when near fifteen, I
am ready to confirm to the utmost
of my power. Happy indeed the man,
who called of God is enabled to bear the
like testimony of his grace & power.)
Happy indeed the man, who called of God,
is enabled to bear the like testimony
of his grace & power. What a blessed
preparations was this to treet the ap
proaching opposition of my new guar
dian & eldest brother, to a continuance
in my present situation. The for
mer worthy Guardian died this year.
He had promised my Aunt & me, that
on my being 16, he would fix me in
a respectableline in this city until
I became of age. But a short time
had classed when this new Guardian
consulted with my brother (nearly of
age,) upon the means of removing me.

Both were Deists, inimical to the reveal
ed system of religion, & to all in every
party who professed its doctrines. My wor
thy Aunt & I were deeply interested in their
prejudices, not doubting of their using
every means to defeat her intention of
making me a convert to Moravianism.
They began by using persuasive at
tempts, & offering me every advantage in
their power. Our Savr having gained my
sincere love, & the Brn my regard, I was
prepared rather to forego every earthly pros
pect than to suffer the loss of my im-
mortal soul.– Three months after, a
most reproachful letter to my Aunt
& me was received from the Guardian.
He said that he had fully weighed my
present situation in all its bearings,
& that he was finally resolved not to suf
fer me to be bred a Methodist, to the dis
grace of my family & the reproach of my
self when arrived at maturity.
After consulting with my eldest brother,
the latter agreed to the request to go from
Cambridge to Bristol carrying a legal
commission from my Uncle to oblige

me (an unruly Ward,) to return with him to
London. My Br. in a few hims to my Aunt
fixed the day & hour requesting her to get my
things ready packed, intending after dinner
to go to Chippenham to sleep. Mr G came
in a Chaise exactly to the time, saluting
his Aunt & me affectionately. During din
ner nothing unpleasant occurred. But
the cloth was no sooner removed than my
Br read the guardians Commission worded
in the strongest manner. A warm conver
sation took place between the Aunt & Ne
phew. At the conclusion with an angry
look the latter desired to see me alone. With
trembling steps, she retired to the drawing
room. Fearing forcible means, she very
judiciously had placed two stout men in the
Servants hall. Thank God they were not found
necessary. Could any Connoiseur have felt
my heart on being alone with my angry Bn
he would have found it beat very quick. He
began with touching on my ungrateful con
duct toward the Guardian & also to him, repeat
ing his former promise to bearall the ex-
pences at school, & at Cambridge, if I would
enter the Church, adding that on my taking

a Bachelors degree; he would procure a little
for orders. But should I still prefer the mer
chantile line, he knew that my Uncle through
Sr Wm James, an East India director, who was
about to marry his youngest daughter, could ea
sily obtain a writers situation at Bengal;
where if I applied closely to the concerns of
the company, I might in about 24 years
return home with a great fortune. With
tears in my eyes, I replied that I felt much
obliged to my Uncle & him, for these marks
by their affection. But as I had written to
them, I was, at the risque of every temporal
gain, firmly resolved to remain in the
situation in which my late Uncle had placed
me, with the pleasing hope of firing me
when at a proper age in a respectable Count
ing house until I should be 21. Now eying
me with disdain, mixed with anger, he
said, I am, at no loss, Sir, (for my Br I cannot con
sider you) clearly to understand your mean
ing to join the Moravians, to the present &
future discredit of your family & yourself.
Depend upon my word you will never be
owned by them or me. The Chaise was standing
at the door, he seized his hat, & galloped away.

After passing a short time with my Aunt,
I kneeled down offering up to our all preser
ving Savr thanks & praise, for hearing our
needy prayers & delivering me out of this
trial. Returning to my apartmnent in the
S. Brn’s house, I sat ruminating on the won
derworking power of God. In my Diary the
following Stanza is noted down:
Like a hunted bird, to his nest retired,
So feels my soul at this season.
Thankful to my Lord with reason,
for his aiding care, Gainst the fowlers’ snare.
Augt 27th 1763.
About the end of the year in a letter from the
Guardian to my Aunt, he expresses tried out
with my refractory conduct, & that he would
have no more to do with me except to
place me in the line & with the man I wish
ed to be. He desired her to send him the name
& occupation of the same. My Br being of age
would raise the required fee; to be deducted from
my small fortune. In March the fol
lowing year, a letter from my Br announced
that the money was ready & his steward would
be in Bristol on my birthday, to see every
thing done in order & the money paid. By the

By the engagement I was to be at liberty
on the 2d Apr. 1769. Happy as this unexpec
ted event seemed at the first glance, it be
came an object of no little regret to be tied
down to world by concerns for the space of five
years. The preservation of my poor soul
& my fellowship with the Brn reconciled
me to it. Could I have pursued my studies,
it would have been far more congenial
with my present views. But my Guardi
an insisted upon it, lest idleness united
with fanaticism should render me a vaga
bond.
The Minister at this period was
the late Revd Br Traneker, whose sympathi
sing feelings for me will ever remain im
pressed on my heart. I wrote for reception
into the Congn & the favour was conferred
on 13th Augt 1764. I continued in what
St John calls the first love for a year & half
enjoying the privileges with God’s people
with humbleness of mind, till an enemy
far stronger than human foes began in the
winter of 1765 to attack the least vulnerable
part of human nature, the reason & the
judgment. I had become acquainted with
a gentleman of no inconsiderable learning

accompanied with a bright understanding
His father was an eminent West India
merchant at whose house the son occasi
onally invited me to spend an evening.
After tea we retired to his library. Being
rather partial to me he began gradually
to open his mind on the subject of free think
ing, or as it may be more properly called
Deism. Among the shelves I saw nu
merous Deistical writers, Tindal,
Hume, Voltaire &c. Taking down Humes
Essay on human nature, he said, In this
book, my young friend will soon perceive
the first style accompanied with the most
persuasive arguments. Reading a few
of the most plausible paragraphs, he
added: Indeed you cannot avoid being convin
ced of the truth of his sublime Ideas. I con
fess, said I, there is something in his opi
nions new to me, that fixes them on the
mind. On the second visit he took down
a vol: of Voltaire, descanting on some se
lect parts. Now I became so struck with
his sentiments, that I sucked in the
poison of infidelity. The consequences
were highly prejudicial to my former

views of Christianity. My once tender &
hum ble impressions were changed to a de
gree of mental pride, & instead of the attach
ment to the Savr & his people which I had be
fore fell; a coolness to both was gradually
brought on; & my mind once fixed on heaven
by & eternal things became darkened & quite
averse to my reflections upon them, my
reason & judgment being warped from di
vine truth by the subtilty of Satan. Had
the living God, as in the case of the rich
man, suddenly required my soul from
me, I see no other issue but to have been
eternally lost. It pleased the Lord, who
is the God of mercy & judgment to look
again on me, as he did on Peter, & to work
out the means of pulling me out of the
fire. I had not wholly withdrawn my
attendance at the Chapel, not that the
word of the cross affected me as formerly.
To the eternal praise of the good & faithful
Shepherd, whose all searching Spirit
trees the heart & the reins of those whom
he designs to make monuments of his
grace & power, the sympathising Savr who
looked on his Peter, after he had thrice denied

him, was graciously pleased to dart. His pe
netrating eye on me during a Wednesday even
ings preaching by the late Br Tranecker at
the end of March 1767. The text was, “How
shall we iscape if we neglect so great sal
vation.” The Lord, the Spirit, with his sharp
& two edged sword, piercing to the dividing
asunder of soul & spirit, & a discerner of the
thoughts & intents of the heart, brought the
important subject so home to my soul,
that I felt like David when Nathan said
to him, “Thou art the man,” as though I
had been the great neglector of the salvation
of God. The day of the divine visitation
was now come upon me, & for such repeated
resistance against the Holy Spirit, after
having recd. so much light, & so many sig
nal proofs of the Savr’s grace & power. The
instant the service was ended I hastened
weeping & sobbing to my apartment in
the S. Brn’s house; shut up the windows
& fastened the door. Then casting myself
on the floor before my highly offended God
the Savr, with a flood of bring tears, & with
slammering lips, I attempted to express the
deep compunction of a wounded spirit. But

so overwhelmed was I with shame & confusi
on, as to be unable to utter more than a few
broken sentences: In this state, I lay above
quarter of an hour groaning under the bur
den of my sins. Blessed be the Lord who
notices the oppressed sinners complaint,
He was mercifully pleased to whisper into
my opening ear, “My Son thy sins are par-
doned, rise up, sin no more, & go thy way
in peace.” These life giving words came with
such divine power, that I began to feel like one new
new born. Feeble, indeed, is the attempt to record all
that passed during these ever to be remembered mo
ments, between the sin forgiving Savr, & my deep
ly repenting soul. With his outstretched arms of
pity he embraced me a poor returning prodigal,
while a divine peace filled my heart with all joy
in believing, the greatness of his power to forgive

all sin, & to blot out the hand writing against
me, nailing it to the same. O it was my time
of love, a sacred Covenant day, so that I was en
abled to say “My Beloved is mine & I am His.” So
this my heart added, Draw me & I will run after
thee. For gratitude impelled me to dedicate soul
spirit & body to Him, who had given his life &
blood a sacrifice on the cross, that henceforth I

might live & die unto the Lord, who both lived
& died for me, that whether living or dying I might
be the Lord’s. Amen & Amen!
I was to have passed the following evening
at this Gentleman’s house; Instead of going
a polite note was addressed to him express
ing my change of sentiments on the Deis
tical writings, & I returned the books he kind
ly lent me; & burned the few bought by me.
In the Diary I had been accustomed to keep
since the period of my first serious appre
hensions, nearly 60 years ago, but which
during my long apostacy had proved a mere
blank, I find the following, which my dear
Brns will I trust think worth transcribing.

“March 1767. The consequence of this fiery tri
al, alluding to my falling into Deism has
been new thoughts & new desires. The im
mortality of the sinful human soul had
not till now been clearly perceived by me
in its true scriptural meaning. Indeed
the idea of Eternity had often filled me
with an indescribable dread of what might
become of my immortal soul, when sum
moned to the eternal & untried state of all
men. Often has the greatest anguish of

mind been felt when this serious subject
intruded itself upon me. Many an hour
since my first conviction of sin, has
passed in bed, & in lonely walks in the fields
contemplating this most serious of all
subjects, without obtaining the wished
for clearness. Hence while the subject
harrassed me in a greater or less degree
without any just ground to call it in
question, I preferred my indistinct views
of its truth to all that my relations (be
fore mentioned) proposed to me, as the
mean of happiness in this transient
state. Am I not bound to 2 consider 1 in
gratitude these as a powerful interfe
rence of a most gracious Providence?
But, no sooner had Jesus stretched forth
his all conquering arm & was pleased
to manifest himself to my wounded
spirit, than every doubt respecting Eter-
nity was dispelled, & godliness in all its
blessed realities was embraced by me
Even, His eternal Divinity, as God
over all blessed for ever, & his real humanity,
as man, (both of which were doubted by
me during the sceptical reign of reason)

became now as dear to me as the Sun in
the firmament. Hence I am enabled to
rest my faith, & whole salvation on Jesus,
the Rock of eternal ages, & to commit my
future path, through times dreary wil
derness, to his guidance, as my faithful
Shepherd, unnerring Leader. My earnest
prayer is, that the eye of my renewed
mind may be daily looking unto Jesus
the Author, & Finisher of our faith, until
his whole will concerning me shall be
fully completed!
In May following, I became spectator the
second time at the H. Comn; & in July was
solemnly confirmed by the late Br Traneker
for the first participation with the Congn
on the well known festival Aug. 13.
How deep was the humiliation of my soul
during the four weeks state of preparation,
accompanied with fervent prayer that
I might not eat & drink unworthily at
the Lord’s table. My feelings cannot be
better expressed than in the concluding
verse of the well known hymn Page 206
No 743. Thy Communions celebration,
Bows me down to deep prostration, May I

never am prepared, to my condemnation
share it. May I not be permitted to view
from this important period my gradual
confirmation in the faith & hope of the gos
pel? Whatever events or changes may oc
cur in my future walk through the wil
derness are of a subordinate importance
to my blood washed soul being made
meet for glory, to enjoy with the saints
in light the prepared inheritance.
Some concise Memorabilia with an ex
tract from my diary are added. The fol
lowing Stanza concludes this very incom
plete narration.
My passport to the heavenly shore Is Jesus
precious blood, My only plea his mercy’s power,
Before the throne of God. I fought call’d good
by me is done, The power by Him was given
Cause & effect are His alone, On earth & there in
heav’n.
Now unto Him that is able to keep me from
falling & to present me faultless before the
presence of His glory with exceeding joy; to
the only wise God our Savr be glory & majesty
dominion & power both now & ever Amen.
(Completed 23 April 1823.)

Events that occurred after closing the memoir
1769 April 2d Being now emancipated from
secular concerns, I soon after accompanied
the late Revd B. Latrobe to Lindsey House
whence, after staying a fortnight, I proceeded
to Fulneck. In a short time an appointment
was given me as one of the Tutors in the
room of the middle boys among whom were
the late I Gambold, I Hartley, & the present
Sr Wm Okely. 1771- In the Summer
I was appointed to preach & keep meetings
in the country Congns & Socities. I had now
obtained the zenith of my earthly wishes;
the preaching of the everlasting gospel
being the desideratum of my heart.
1772 – Janry- I was suddenly seized with
an indisposition of so serious a kind,
that my life was thought in danger & the
blessing of the Lord for my long home was
imparted by the late Brn Count de Dolma
It pleased God to give a salutary turn, The
closeness of the situation in the Hall obli-
ged me to remove to a better air in the S.
Brn’s house. In July my renewed strength
enabled me to reassume my pleasant
ministerial labours. The warden of Fulneck

being likewise Minister of Pudsey Congn
& in weak health engaged me to assist him
in both situations, consequently I had to go out
on Tuesdays, Wednesdays & Thursdays to
keep the society Meetings in three different
places. The constancy of my activity was render
ed truly pleasant. Indeed I could have spent
my life in these employments.
1776 Jany. going & returning on foot in a deep
snow to keep the Congn Sunday meetings at
Gomersal, I was seized the next day with a
chill in the right knee. After trying almost
every means in vain, my cure was happily
effected by the late excellent Mr Hey of Leeds,
who came to me at York, where I had been con
fined to the bed for 6 weeks. In Augt I became
strong enough to venture on my vocation in
the country. 1775- April. A commission was
sent in a letter from the late Br B Latrobe
to go to Bristol to assist in the duties of that
& the Kingswood Congn. 1776. May. It pleas
ed God to render me instrumental in leading
a poor condemned criminal to a degree of true
self knowledge & to turn with all his heart to
the Savr of sinners. It was apparent to many
that his conversion was real. At the gallows

to which I attended, his confession drew tears
from me & many. 1777 Sept. 27th while
crossing the Aust Passage to Bristol on
my return from a visit to Admiral Vaugh
an & Sisters, I experienced with & more, a
most miraculous preservation from a
watery grave. Novr A vocation to be as
sistant minister & helper of the S. Brn
was sent to me from the U E.C.

1780. Augt 2d. I was married at Bedford
      to my dear wife the second daughter of Jo-
      seph Foster Barham Esq. of that Congn
      Sept. Our first residence was in London
      where I assisted the late Br B. Latrobe in
      the service of that Congn 1782 Jan. 11th our
      first child was for born & baptized by the name
      of Anna Dorothea. I received & accepted a vocation
      to the ministry of the Ockbrook Congn to
      which I was ordained a Deacon by the late Br
      Bishop Reichel. But being painfully disap-
      pointed in obtaining the promised house
      I was recessitated to write to the U.E.C.
      on the subject who saw the propriety
      of my not fulfilling the official appointment
      1783 Feb. went on a visit to my late Aunt
      at Bath. In April I recd a vocation from

the U.E.C. to be Co minister with the
late Br J. Moore who was of a sickly habit
1790 This worthy Br departed this life. I
continued to act with the late Brn Sulgar &
Church. During the late visitation of the
the late Br Van Lauer, a member of the
U.E.C. he prevailed on us to take our two
sons to Fulneck school, (with the promise
that on his return to Herrnhut, I should be
provided with a Co. minister’s office in
that Congn. But alas! he died at Zeist; his
promise of course failed & I never after obtain
ed the same.)
1793 May. For the purpose of being near our
two sons in the Boy’s school at Fulneck
we left Bath & went to Bedford where we
remained 18 months. 1794 Sept we went
to reside at Bankhouse, adjoining Ful-
neck. In both these Congns I assisted in the
services.
1797 Sept. My dear wife being great weak
ened by a severe rheumatic fever the Phy-
sician advised our removal to a warmer
part of England. We removed to Bristol
where I assisted the different ministers
of that Congn. I cannot conclude these
brief

brief Memorandums, without expressing
that the solemn deprivations of my little
talents to serve the Congn in the like offi
cial character I was formerly favoured with,
(during 15 years of health) since we left
Fulneck, have been the severest trial in
my prolonged life. For the last ten years
my tabernacle has been gradually bowing
down under the pressure of repeated indis
position. But to the glory of God’s grace, I
am enabled to view this trial as one among
the all things that have worked & shall
continue to work for my good. May. 1823.
The following is copied from my Diary now
destroyed. I had been much indisposed during
the whole Winter. But on Feb. 1st 1821, be
came so greatly debilitated by spasmodic
affections on the breast, & overflowings of
the bile, that it seemed to me the end of my
time on earth was at no great distance.
My dear wife leaving the chamber, I unbo-
somed my heart to my unseen but pre
sent Savr, praying Him to be with me
when going through the dark vale to the
heavenly city. I had scarcely ended the last
words of “let thy rod & Thy staff comfort me,”

when I was like the blessed John, in the
Spirit, & my soul in sweat come as with the
Beloved. It is not in my power to tell what
passed during these never to be forgotten mo
ments. While the extreme debility of the
mortal tabernacle made me to hang na
tures harp upon the willows, my spirit
was delighted with hearing the dulut mu
sic of the heavenly harpers soothing my
whole frame, & giving me at the same
time a blessed foretaste of Zions never end
ing joys. When my wife returned I was
overcome by the extreme sensibility of
what had just passed & related the substance
to her. It pleased God I should gradually re
cover but the sweet remembrance of
this never to be forgotten day will, I am
confident be preserved to me, till I shall
be wasted from earth to see Him face to face,
whom through infinite mercy my soul
a loveth; but not in the high degree, justly
deserved from me, on whom so many rich
mercies have been bestowed from my
youth to this hour.
In weakness, pain, assure me Lord,
Thy comforts sweet thou wilt afford,

Until I cease to live;
Since Thou death’s sting extracted hast,
Its bitterness we know is past,
Most bless’d are they who this believe.
What joy divine, 2 what glorious view.
When souls departing bid adieu,
To every scene below;
for Christ will safely these convey
thro’ darkest shades to endless day,
With him to rest from every woe.
Ah! then our 3 joyful tongues will raise
In everlasting songs of praise
To our Redeemer God;
His precious blood our robe most fair,
And surely firm gainst judgments bar,
And Satan’s accusations proud.
To the above member, as drawn up
by our late Br, his family would only
add a brief account of his last moments.
His illness had been generally attended
with so much lethargy, that he had
said very little for some days. But
about 9 o’clock in the morming on the
day of his departure, after some previous
conversation with his dear wife, a visi
ble change took place. His sons were

then immediately sent for; & as they
stood round the bed he uttered the follow
ing words. Hasten Lord! I am going
home! His younger son then said, I think
you are very near to Heaven; He said,
I am, our Saviour is making me ready
I am in the hands of my God. O my
Lord! at thy feet I fall, as a poor sinner
at the feet of my Lord & my God! Dont
wake me any more. I am so fond of
quiet. O my Lord! Night & day have I
been engaged with thee. Put my feet
& all in order, I am preparing, so very
quiet, — I am quite like a lamb, I am
going, — quite going home.” His elder son
said to him We shall endeavour to fol
low you sir, He replied with great ener
gy; Follow Christ; as far as I have followed
Him, follow me.
About 12 o’clock our dear Br Bishop Fos
ter called on him. On seeing him he said,
I am a very old Br. Br Foster replied, I
remember you as one of my earliest
Friends more than 40 years ago at Ful
neck. And I remember you, added our
departing Brother, & we shall remember

where other above, we shall know
each other again. Some time after he
sunk into a gentle sleep, which continued
until about half past 4 o’clock in the after
noon, when so softly & without a sigh
did he fall asleep in Jesus that his
younger son, who remained in the room
did not perceive the moment at which
his happy Spirit took its flight to the
presence of his beloved Saviour on the
19th day of Janry 1824. aged 75
years, 9 months & 17 days.