Ful/SS/59
The Course of Life of Anna Rogers
I was born at Bedford on the 15 of August 1743 an lived
with my Parrents till I was 7 years old, at that time I had
not the least concern about our Saviour, but still I remember
I was always afraid of dying, in the year 50 I and my
two Sisters were taken into the Sisters House to live amongst
the Children, I by my unbroken self wild disposion causd the
Sisters a great deal of troube and Concern which I was very Sencable
of and out of Pity to the Sisters us’d to make resolutions that I
would alter for the better yet all that was to no purposse for I being
naturerly of a Proud unsinnerlike and fretfull temper could bear
to be found fault with all tho’ I how I was to blame and often
felt pain on account of it I told our Saviour what a poor creature
I was and sometimes beg’d him with tears to come to my Assistance
and to me feel his grace in my heart amidst all my untowardness
I was fully convincd that our Saviour Persu’d me very closely tho’ I strove
to put him off and went on in a dry and indifferant manner, and by
so doing tryd our Saviour Patientious exceeding but his love towards
me his poor Child never ceasd; at certain time I was overcome in
a power full manner perticularly in those Meetings which us Children
kept amongst our Selves, as on our Singing hours were his perecious
nearness was so captivating to my heart that I often burst out into
a flood of tears on the 17 August 53 that never to be forgoten day
Br Sclicht who was then at Bedford kept a Love feast with he
asking us in a tender manner if we from this time on woud Surrender
our selves to our Saviour and then he desired as to Prostrate before him
this being the first Meeting of that kind I was ever ever was present as I was
Sear’d with love and awe in such a manner that my heart melted into
tears of the thro’ bord feet of our friend and lover whos precious nearness
left a deep impression upon my poor heart In 59 I went live in the
Oeconomay at Chelsea where I had the grace and favour sometime to
enjoy the Meeting, which the dear disciple kept when the Girls Oeconomy
removed to fulneck I also went with them and woul lived very chearfully
in the begining but my depravity begun to grow Stronger and Stronger and
I lost that Childlike feeling which I had had of our Saviour and by degrees
become more and more indifferent in my heart in 56 I was recived into
the great girls Choir in which I did not spend my time to our Saviour nor
my Sisters satisfaction and being convinsd of it I begun to be exceeding
uneasy in my mind and wishd that I might once be made Sencable of
the cause of my unhappyness and why I did not prosper but I did not
not know my own heart neither our Saviours intention I was obligd to
wait long before I was recived into the Congregation and therefore I was
apt to think that I was forgoten by my Brn and Srs but I
found
afterwards that my heart at that time was not prepared for it and
begun to discover so much of my own sinfulness I lost all hopes of
being recived how ever our Saviour granted me this grace on the 21
of August which proved a real blessing to me at that time I prayd
our Sariour to grant me on abideing ing feeling of his nearness &
let me once expernce the forgiveness of all my Sins but I soon lost
that desire again grew cold in my heart and gave up all hopes that I
Shoud ever be other ways some time I usd to think in a reasoning way
that our Saviour did not hear my Prayers Since my good resolutions
were all to no purpose this reflection made me grow quite negleject
about my Self and evrything else Ive folo’d to be no more concern’d it
might go as it woud in this uphappy disposion of heart and mind
I went for some time and there by causd the Sisters many anxious
hours and it was is if I coud not help it tho’ much distresd with
condemnation in my own heart in the year 59 I and two other Girls was
to go and live in the Single Sisters house I hardly knew how to take this
as I thought my Self very unfilt in body and mind for it and the
more as I knew no other but that I should have to work for my living
by Spinning the went very hard with me for I did not like that work
at all in Some respects I thought that I should like better than I
did in the Oeconomey but when it came to it it did not go well
with me in regard to the forementiond Ocasion, when I saw some
Sisters admitted the holy Communion which had not been so long
in the Congregation as I this brought me in a certain concern again
about my self I had not been long in the Choir house before I got
a very ill pain in my Side which at last proved a swelling I was
under the Doctors Hand who tryd all means to keep me but to little
fever rose I often felt heavy on that acount but still I believd our
Saviour knew best for what he intended to lay this upon me I there
fore desired him from the bottom of my heart that he might let
me feel his grace that so I might bear my pains with Patientous
and become more resignd according to his heart which he did and I
believe be had good reason for bringing me in these circumstances
for as I have since seen that he very likely could not have gain his
full aim with me May 62 I was recived into the Single Sisters
Choir which proved a perticular day of grace for me I beg our
Saviour that he to make me a true Virgin for him and from that time
on I felt a more eardent disire to became still better acquainted with
him and get my heart Sprinkld with his blood so that he might
once atain his full aim with me thus I went on in a confident
manner relying upon our Saviour as a poor needey Sinner my
longing and desire after the Communion much increasd but as for
very sinners about my self this was the reason why I did not speak
much to my Labours about it but more earnist beg’d our Saviour
first to prepare my heart for it my Body illness grow worse so
that I was obligd intirely to take to the Sick room in 63 being
Maunday Thursday I was made a Candidate I was made for the holy
Comunion which unexpected grace bow’d me down in the dust
at my Bridegrooms feet and he was pleased to step before my
heart in that Figure wherein he did sweat blood in the
Garden and was naild to the Cross on my account to reddem
me lost and undone Creature this left an abideing impression
upon my heart and from that time on I became more chearfull
happy and contented and my chief desire was to live for our
Saviour and become according to his mind yea to aford him
joy for his unweary’d love and patienteous towards me the 30
of July I had the unspeakable favour granted me to become
a partaker of his Body and blood in the Holy Sacrament how I felt
at the injoyment of this my highest I good I am not able to express
in words my heart was melted like wax before my dearest lover whos
tenderness towords me his poor Sinner has been without compare
I now am waiting I now spend my time waiting for the kiss from
his pail lips with a heart full of gratitude for all grace &
blessings which I have recieved at his hands and he has now made
all things ease to me ever in gard to my outward circumstances
so that I have nothing to disturbe my mind with and I am glad
to go to him as a poor Sinner, and will kiss his thro’ bord feet with
my thankfull tears, so far her own words.
Our Happyly departed Sisters frettefull and sinners disposion causd her felt much uneasyness of heart and mind but for all that she had somthing very agreeable which greatly gain her Sisters love and tenderness, altho’ we must own that yet course thro this time has not been as could have wishd, yet it was plainly percived that she never was without a feeling from our Saviour in her heart which proved an inecouragement to those who had to do with her and perticularly in her last illness which she bore with great patientious as she believed that by these means our Saviour would compleat her for him self 3 weeks before her departer she got a very troublesome Cough which caused a great alteration in her and she usd to say that she felt as of her time would not be long here orderd her matters accordingly, to her Buryal, the day before the Communin she expresst herself in a ver Sinnerlike and tender manner how chearfull and Satisfyed she felt and quite ready to go to our Saviour when ever he would be pleasd to call her the 23 she received once more the holy Sacrament with hungry and thirsty heart and on the 29 she was exceeding weak but spoke with such a presence of mind that we were quite surprizd she desird that the Sisters might be premitted to come and see her, as she would be glad to beg those pardon wherein the had greved them and thus take leave of both Sisters and Girls this was granted her and the tender and Sinnerlike expresions in these her last moments drew many tears from all present she prayd in a very moving manner to our Savr that he would now fetch her to himself, a short Litty was kept her by her bed when this ration of the healing bonds went over into healths happy bounds with the blessing of her Choir This last line is written vertically in the left-hand margin. during a sweet feeling of her bridegroom nearness in the 22 year of her age on Octr the 24 1763
