Life of the Widow, Sister Ann Krügelstein
by Maiden Name Gold of Moravia who departed in Herrnhut April 30th, 1778
She has left the following remarkable Account of the Grace and Mercy the Lord bestowed upon her during her Life.
I was born July 10th, 1713 at Zauchtenthal near Fulneck in Moravia. Already in my second year I experienced a gracious Preservation of God. My Mother used to gather grass for her cattle, and generally took me along, and laying me once down near a tree, a wolf came, placed himself close by me, and smelt at me. My Mother felt at once very anxious, and turning about to look for me, she saw the ravenous beast with me. She then ran hastily towards me, and the wolf went a few steps back, so that she could take me. My parents received me anew as a gift of God, and thanked him with tears for my preservation, for they were both devout people; and having looked upon me from my birth as a gracious gift of God, they endeavored to educate me according to his mind, wept and prayed often to God in my behalf and took all possible pains with me.
In my 5th year I became much concerned about regaining a fellowship with God through Jesus Christ, because I had heard my father say that we had lost it by the fall of Adam, but that the second Adam Jesus Christ had procured it again through his sufferings and death. The Holy Ghost took me upon this occasion into a particular school, stirred up in me a confidence to God, so that I could converse with him quite familiarly, and preserved me in many dangers from deviations, giving me an admonition when I was not on the right track. He at the same time wrought in me a fear of falling into sin, and granted me the grace to speak uprightly with my parents about every thing. By which means I escaped many temptations of the enemy of my soul.
In the year 1724 there was a great awakening among the children in Moravia. I heard that we must get a new heart if we will be saved, and that God alone was able to give it. This occasioned new perplexity in me, seeing that I was deficient herein and I was much troubled. I at the same time looked out for some companions, to whom I would discover this my concern, and our Saviour gave me eight who had the same mind; we often went into hollow roads and bushes, where we were alone, and wept and prayed for the new heart. A hope was also kindled within me, that I should become a partaker of it, though I felt myself very unworthy.
In 1727 the persecution in Moravia rose to that pitch that orders were given that everyone should swear allegiance to the Roman Catholic religion. My mother who had a faithful heart to our Savior, would and could not do it, but resolved rather to emigrate. She asked me whether I would accompany her? I consented directly, and the concern of our heart to see our souls saved was so great that nothing could detain us.
While these things were going on, my mother’s older brother John Nitschman arrived with us from Herrnhut, who emigrated before us. To him we discovered our intention, and he being willing to accompany us, my father made directly secret preparations for our departure.
And thus we left our house and mother country June 23rd, 1727, and set out for Herrnhut. My uncle (her mother’s brother Melchior Nitschman) who was in jail at Kunewalde (who at last died in prison at Kremsir as a martyr) and to whom I brought from time to time what he stood in need of, to him I had discovered our intention shortly before, and had taken a very moving leave of him. He recommended us there to the protection of the Lord, and said to me during a particular sense of the peace of God: “I am sure I shall find thee once among the number of those who are with the Lord.” On our journey we were several times in danger of our lives, and besides this had to suffer much distress, hardships and anxiety. But our Savior helped us, so that we arrived safe, cheerful and happy July 2nd at Berthelsdorf to our unspeakable joy. The next day we went to Herrnhut, and were welcomed with much affection by the little congregation there. But we had to live yet for some time in Berthelsdorf.
My concern for my salvation increased here more and more. I yet remember that I felt something extraordinary during the great communion August 13th, 1727, and I begged the Lord Jesus, attended with many tears, to think also of me. I went here to school to Mr. Krumpa, who often told us that he loved the Lord Jesus because he had shed his blood for us. This excited in me a confidence to our Savior that he probably had also shed his blood for me, and would have mercy upon me. At the time when in Herrnhut the great awakening among the children began, he asked once his scholars: Whether they also would love our Savior and give him their hearts, so that he might wash them with his blood? With those who expressed a desire for it, he made a covenant to love him above all things who loved us first. Upon which occasion he in whose eyes we were precious walked certainly in our midst, and none of us knew what had happened unto us. It occasioned a great joy in Herrnhut, that our Savior had also graciously visited the children in Berthelsdorf. We wept and prayed together during an inexpressible feeling of the nearness of Jesus.
My parents moved soon after to Herrnhut, where we had it outwardly very pinching and hard. But I must say to the praise of our Savior, that I could suit myself pretty well into poor circumstances, for I had left my mother country with no other intention than to be satisfied with bread and water. But the Holy Ghost begun a new work in me. I learned to know our Savior as the friend of poor sinners; he forgave me the sin of not believing in him and his merit, and showed me my name engraven into his hands. Now happy did my heart feel when he cleared it up to me that his sufferings, his death and bloodshedding had also happened for my sake, and that I was his property. I could not sufficiently contemplate our Savior in his sufferings beauty, whereby all external troubles and difficulties were made quite easy to me.
In January 1729 I was to my inexpressible joy admitted to the Holy Communion with the congregation. I then made (as it was the custom at that time) a public confession before the congregation that I would belong with soul and body to my Redeemer and devote to him life and all. In this blessed enjoyment of our Savior, I went on during a particular care of the never to be forgotten disciple of the Lord, Count Zinzendorf, who took much care and pain with me, till 1732 when I came to Ebersdorf to take care of some young countesses. Here I was to my heart somewhat removed from the simplicity in Christ Jesus. But our Savior, according to his great faithfulness, did not suffer me to be plucked out of his hand, but renewed in me that mind to devote myself to him, and to look upon it as my destined share to follow him in poverty and reproach.
By occasion that I was joined in holy matrimony September 8th, 1733 with that servant of Jesus my late husband David Kriegelstein, I renewed the covenant with our Savior to be his with soul and body, and begged him to be with me and lead me by his hand, till he would happily take me home. He did not last long before we had to experience poverty and reproach of various kinds. Till 1736 we had the care of the girls in Herrnhut, and assisted in the work of the Lord and the congregation, and particularly the married choir. In June the same year we went to Ronneburg in Wetteravia, and from there to Frankfort upon Mayn, and with these journeys we made the beginning of a poor pilgrim life, having often at our nights lodgings neither bed clothes above nor under us. And in the latter place, there arose soon a persecution against the brethren, so that we were obliged to leave the city. We then stayed with the pilgrim congregation at Berlin, and afterwards in Wetteravia till in October 1738 when we set out on our journey from Marienborn to Livonia with a visa to go, agreeable to our call, through Russia to Persia. Our Savior blessed our abode in Livonia to many souls, and granted us the grace to testify with a heartful heart to people in high and low rank what Jesus’ blood can do on sinners base. I shall never forget it, what a powerful grace ruled at that time among the Estonians and Lettonians.
In 1740 we returned to Marienborn, where I enjoyed a very blessed time. The year following (1741) we resided with the pilgrim congregation at Geneva and Montmirail, and in May 1742 we went with Count Zinzendorf’s family the second time to Livonia. But we found it this time very different from the time we had been there before, because a great enmity had arisen against the brethren which increased more and more, and in April 1747 the beginning was made to put the brethren in prison.
The brethren Gutslef and Helderhof were first brought as prisoners to Petersburg, and in June following also Brother Fritshe and my husband. Though there was a very strict prohibition that none of the brethren and sisters should be suffered either to leave the country or come into it, I ventured it however to travel with my son three and a half years old, whom our Savior had given me in Livonia, and a foster daughter Mary Jacob, to Herrnhut. Having no passport I could not travel on the public roads, and as besides this 6,000 Russians had formed a line from the River Dina to the boundaries (it being then war) there was according to all human appearance no probability to come through. But our Saviour who was so inexpressibly near to me at the time when my husband was taken prisoner, so that it was as if he spoke personally with me, comforted and supported me powerfully. I simply followed his leading, and he brought me at last through many dangers, roundabout ways, wildernesses and morasses to Angermünde in Curland to the Reverend M. Loskiell where I was richly strengthened and refreshed. They also cared for it that I safely arrived at Königsberg, from whence I was accompanied to Herrnhut, where I arrived in August the same year (1747).
For joy that I was in my dear Herrnhut, I forgot for some time all my griefs and sorrows, and Count Zinzendorf took a fatherly care of me, so that I would speak fully with him about all my circumstances. However the grief about my dear husband, of whom I would get no account to be depended upon, returned soon, and besides this I had many heavy hours, so that it was a wonder that I was so safely delivered of my son John Friederich January 29th, 1748.
In August the same year I moved to Lindheim in Wetteravia to have the care of the children, where I had the pleasure to receive the first account to be depended upon from my dear husband, by a most affectionate letter of his own handwriting. In 1751 Brother Risler came to Marienborn from Petersburg, and brought me by word of mouth good accounts of my dear husband, and offered me to take me along with him. This offer I received as out of the hand of our Savior. And August 1st, I set out with him and his dear wife thither with the blessing of Count Zinzendorf and the brethren and sisters. My four children I recommended to the faithful heart of Jesus and the congregation, and my heart was then so disposed: I know that I am Jesus’ property, of his flesh and of his bone, and shall remain his eternally though I am very poor and wretched. I go with that mind to my dear husband to do that which our Savior would have me to do, and I shall continue sitting at the feet of Jesus.
The 29th the same month we arrived at Petersburg. But I had to keep myself at first very still in Brother Koehler’s house, till he had procured leave for me to come to Petersburg. Besides this I grew so sick that I could not think otherwise but that I should depart this life without having seen my husband. Add to this that I could not even let my husband know anything of my trouble, because whatever I wrote to him I had to regulate so that all might read it, because leave for my journey to Petersburg was not yet procured. This was a very hard trial for me, and yet but a small one in comparison of those to come. I spent my sleepless nights in conversation with my only friend, wetted my pillows with tears. Jesus’ perplexities, his meritorious tears and nightly prayers were of great service to me; they strengthened and comforted me, so that I could childlikely resign myself to him, and believe that if I even should go home to him without having seen my husband, that he however would be my most faithful and never failing friend, who knows best for what reason he has brought me hither. Brother and Sister Risler and Ferbers visited me as often as possible and refreshed my needy soul, which I shall acknowledge with gratitude as long as I live.
I however recovered again and September 8th (1751) being our wedding day, Brother Koehler made me the pleasure and led me incognito with his family to the brethren in prison. This was indeed a great joy to see each other again after so long a time. In October 1751 I obtained at last leave to move to my dear husband, to whom leave was granted to move with the brethren Helterhof and Fritshe (Gudslef was already gone to our Savior) into the hired house of Sister Helterhof. This was a great refreshment for my sick and weary heart. But even this could not come to pass without trouble, for there came soon counter order that I should not yet move to my husband, and I had to live six days with Brother and Sister Risler in a private manner. However we had afterwards the pleasure to live together for some time, which was effected by the inexpressible pain Brother Koehler took, who for our sake had to put up with much vexation and reproach.
But our joy did again not last long, for in May 1752 our brethren had to return again to the catacombs (subterraneous vaults) on account of the misbehaviors of another prisoner. We sisters, Sister Helderhof and I, had however leave to visit and to nurse them. November 2nd the same year they and we came into great distress by water, the Neva swelling to such a degree that the water rose in the catacombs up to the half of the windows, and in our house so that I stood up to the belly in water, and thus had to retire to the upper story of the house, without being able to put on dry clothes. To my great surprise I continued well and healthy, and the next morning I could go to the prisoners, who to save themselves had got up on the wall, where they had to continue two nights and one day in the open air in great cold, snow and rain.
We brought them and also to other prisoners some refreshments to make them warm, but we could not come to them without great danger of our lives, the stream having torn the bridge leading to the fortress in such a manner that scarce a soldier ventured to cross it. Similar inundations happened the 6th and 11th of November, but against which better precautions were taken. December 30th we had again the joy to obtain leave to live together; Secretary Nabakof having procured free lodgings for us in the suburbs, in which we could live very comfortably.
October 3rd, 1753 our Savior gave me a little daughter, and this our little fellow prisoner was baptized by the Reverend Mr. Buzow, minister of the great Lutheran church in Petersburg, during a very blessed feeling of the near presence of our Lord. She was called Johanna Christina. The minister recommended her with particular affection to the preservation and protection of our Savior here in this strange country; many tears were shed upon this occasion.
We lived yet sometime very cheerful, and sickness and the various frights which never were wanting were so much the easier to be born because we could still live together. But still in the same year it pleased our dear Lord to take our faithful friend Secretary Nabakof out of this world. He believed in Jesus. During the direction of his successor, who did not know us, we were first more confined, and in the night of the 28th of August, my husband and the brethren Helterhof and Fritshe were fetched and carried away, without knowing why and whither. I myself had to assist in putting my husband who was sick unto death into an open boat, and see him thus carried away on the water in storm and rain. We two sisters spent the night weeping, and when the next morning enquiry was made of those who had carried them away whether they had been brought, we were still more frighted by fearful accounts of their fate. At last we received the joyful news that they had been brought to their former prison, and that we might visit them. We hastened directly to them to bring them some refreshments. This proved to be a great joy to see those yet alive whom we believed dead. To my great astonishment I found my husband a little better, though sometimes so weak that I went away in the evening with the thought of having seen him the last time.
I spoke confidently with our Savior about their circumstances, and he convinced me that it was according to his heart and mind that they were prisoners here in Petersburg. My husband was also convinced of it, and we encouraged each other often to be resigned to our fate, and happy and cheerful in the nearness of our dear Lord, and to have all our troubles sweetened by the converse with him. Leave was indeed given us to visit the brethren in the day time as often as we pleased, but there were always people who made it very difficult, often impossible for us, and thus we got one fright after another. And besides this our Savior took in 1755 Sister Helterhof to himself, and thus I was quite alone in the house with my child. Not understanding the Russian language, and being obliged to leave my child alone in the house when I had to go out, and being in continual danger of a surprise by robbers, the brethren and sisters in Petersburg advised me to make application to the congregation for somebody to assist me, and I got Brother Grumberg who took a most faithful care of me and my child. I had also taken a Russian girl out of compassion who got a love for our Savior, and when I went out (for I had to carry to the brethren all their necessaries) she entertained my child with singing verses.
Once in winter 1757 when going over the River Neva, the ice broke under me, and the stream carried me a piece along, so that I must have been drowned if the eye and watchman of Israel had not so faithfully preserved me. But I became very sickly afterwards. In this distress I prayed fervently to our Savior to grant me the satisfaction to nurse the three prisoners as long as they stood in need of care and nursing in this vale of tears and trouble, though it should even be done in ever so great weakness. And this he has done graciously and helped me so, that through it seemed sometimes as if the tabernacle would break, the brethren suffered however no want. At this time I had a particular confidence in conversing with our Savior. One of these conversations in October 1758 was very impressive to me, when I spoke fully with him about my whole course of life, and was richly comforted about all my mistakes.
In February 1759 we were at last set at liberty, but ordered to go to Casan. We were 5 in number: my husband, the brethren Helterhof and Fritshe and I and my child. On this journey new trials came upon us. The brethren could not bear the violent shaking of the waggons on the bad roads and causeways made of round wood after sitting so long in prison, and they had to suffer much, particularly my husband, who had always been weak. Add to this the fright of being attacked by robbers on the other side of Moscovia, who most cruelly beat our guards. He became quite enervated, and a mortal sickness befell him, so that he lost his speech. His mouth was burnt up and his tongue withered. I had not even as much as a drop of water to refresh him. I often begged our Savior to comfort him with his thirst. Besides this we saw nothing but inexpressible difficulties before us. The people did not like to have any dealings with us because we had soldiers with us, so that we often did not know where to get a morsel to eat, particularly as it was Lent season, wherein the Russians are very strict.
At last we arrived at Maram upon the River Ocke, where we met with more friendly people, who looked upon and loved us as particular good Christians and children of God, and served us as well as they could. We felt well among these people, and I believe they will be counted among those to whom Jesus will say: I was sick and ye visited me. My husband’s weakness had come to the highest pitch, for he could not even move his tongue and lay quite speechless and senseless. The creature begun now to plead with the Creator, and I was quite at a loss what to think or say when I considered that the departure of my husband was so near at hand. But then in my greatest trouble, and when I was at the brink of despair, the loving heart of Jesus interfered and set bounds to the raging waves, for our Savior gave strength to my husband that he in some measure recovered, so that to my great surprise he spoke fully with me about our course hitherto, and particularly about this journey, whereas he could not speak one word before.
He said among the rest: Be not discouraged about these circumstances; thou knowest that our Savior already in 1738 gave directions that we through Russia should go to Persia, but the enemy has thrown some obstacles in the way, so that it was stopped, about which I never could be satisfied. But now our Saviour, with whom I have kept up an uninterrupted connexion amidst my weaknesses of soul and body, has satisfied me about it by this: that the Russian government itself sends us now thither, so that we however shall see Asia and sojourn in it. My great weakness is a natural consequence of the great and sudden alteration of my way of life hitherto, and belongs to the final completion of my sufferings. And it is a grace to me that also in sufferings I am made conformable to my best friend. Our Savior will certainly restore my health so that I shall reach the place of our destination. In Casan I shall probably go home to our Savior, but thou wilt go again to the congregation with thy child, and with all our children enjoy there much goodness and mercy from our Saviour.
We then pursued our journey and my husband recovered more and more, yet I had to care for and nurse him like a child. At last April 27th, 1759 we arrived at Casan, having been three times in evident danger of our lives after we had entered the borders of Asia. In Casan we found it better than we expected. The people there showed much love and respect to us, and even the governor himself behaved very friendly towards us. I often begged our Savior to give us at least one soul where our testimony of him might find entrance, and it was not a small satisfaction to us that we could trace the labour of the Holy Ghost with some Russians and Turks. I wept and prayed much both on the journey and particularly here in behalf of the inhabitants of this country, and I must own that when I spoke right confidently with our Savior about it, he gave me a very gracious look and the assurance into my heart that a light will yet spring up in this country.
November 23rd, 1760 Brother Fritche departed this life happily, and on the 9th of the following month of December my husband followed him in the 63rd year of his age, and entered into the joy of his Lord and everlasting freedom and peace after a captivity of more than 13 years. I mentioned it directly to the Commander Plaisin, who out of love to my husband procured a passport for me from Petersburg, that so I might safely come thither. And though the roads were very unsafe and much was heard of robbing and murdering, I nevertheless ventured it on our Savior, to whose care and protection I had quite anew surrendered myself, and it did not come into my mind that any evil could happen unto me. And my eyes flow with tears of gratitude and abasement when I consider how evidently our Savior has cared for me and what wonders of grace and mercy he has shown unto me.
Just when I was going to set out on my journey and had called upon someone to accompany me, it was ordered so that a Livonian Captain Durnstern had to travel the same way. He took me gladly into his company and we set out January 21st, 1761 from Casan. My taking leave of Brother Helterhof, who of the three captive brethren alone was left, is known to our Savior and not to be expressed in words. The Captain showed inexpressible love and faithfulness to me and my child, and more than once ventured his life for our sakes, particularly January 29th when it had the appearance as if we should find our graves in the River Wolga, for the ice begun to sink and to get holes, and some of the first sleds fell already in the water. We could not think of turning or evading it, for on one side was already water above the ice and on the other was a very steep high shore. In this distress came the Captain through the water to us, broke off branches from the bushes which grew along the shore and covered the holes with them, and himself led our horses over them. And thus with the help of God we were delivered out of this distress, in which we had been from noon till towards midnight.
The Captain cared for me and my child throughout the whole journey like a father, did not only pay all expences, but let always one of his servants stay with us, and when distressing circumstances occurred he himself with some others hastened to our assistance. He everywhere gave us out to be his relations and took care of our things in the best manner. I brought my child very sick of the small pox to Mascovia, but as the Captain would take me with him as far as Novograd, I set out with my child sick as it was, and our Savior prevented all ill consequences. But in Novograd where our road parted, the Captain was very uneasy about me, particularly as he had heard of his servants that my drivers had evil designs against me as soon as we should be alone. But in this perplexity we met quite unexpectedly, and to our joy, a Russian Lieutenant of the Guard Milkanoth, who was a good friend of the Captain and also knew Brother Koehler in Petersburg very well, who was also travelling thither. I took leave of my benefactor with a thankful heart, and he delivered me to the Lieutenant as his relation, and begged him to pay strict attention to our things and drivers and not suffer them to stay behind with me, saying: All you do unto her I shall look upon as done unto myself.
The Lieutenant executed also his commission in the best manner, and our Saviour brought us safe and well to Petersburg February 24th, 1761. O how glad and thankful was I to be again among brethren and sisters. But I met again with difficulties on account of my farther journey, everybody representing it to me as impossible to get a passport. But according to my custom I recommended also this affair to my dear Lord and begged him to take it in hand himself and execute it. And this he did also to my great joy and abasement, for he directed matters so that I got a passport under the name of the Ambassador of Saxony.
Having now rested here a little after so many sleepless nights, dangers, troubles and distress, I set out from Petersburg by water with my little daughter, whom I had preserved as a particular gift with all possible care and faithfulness, accompanied by Brother Kryman, May 18th, 1761. The taking leave of the brethren and sisters here was very painful on both sides. Towards evening we set sail, but we soon got a storm which was against us, and a total eclipse of the moon rendered it quite dark, so that we saw nothing before us but our destruction, particularly as our vessel was too deeply laden and the Neva being in that place full of sand banks.
We returned in great danger and sailed again the next day for Cronstadt. Here I had again new troubles, but our Savior helped me through, and we could now pursue our voyage without any hindrance. I now looked once more at the land of my troubles with tears in my eyes and recommended it to the faithful heart of Jesus. As the faithful eye and watchman of Israel watched hitherto over me on my journeys, so I experienced it also on my farther travels by sea and land. It was as if the arms of my dear Savior enclosed me around, especially at Lüneburg on the rest of my journey. During the time of our abode at Lüneburg which lasted 10 days, there were every day such violent storms of thunder and lightning as nobody remembered ever to have seen, but when we set out the weather was fair and pleasant. And though that whole district was then surrounded with war, we saw nothing of it, and arrived at last July 5th safe and well at Herrnhut to our inexpressible joy. Ah! what tears of joy and thankfulness trickled down my cheeks that my faithful Savior brought both me and my children to the congregation. I devoted it and myself anew to him as his property.
Thus far her own relation. Her heart was filled with thanks and praise that our Savior had accomplished her ardent desire to be again in the congregation at Herrnhut, so that she now would enjoy a happy Sabbath in the congregation and with her children. July 21st she moved into the widows house and was made use of as an assistant till 1764, when she moved to Marienborn, and 1766 to Zeyst with the then directory. In 1768 she went to England with Brother and Sister Boeler and Count Dohnas, and the year following again to Herrnhut. In 1770 she got a call to go with Brother and Sister de Treyden to Curland, and though she found it hard to leave Herrnhut, she however accepted it with a willing heart.
Sister de Treyden gives the following account of the abode and service of our late sister with them: “We were very thankful to our Savior that he would give us this, through many heavy trials approved handmaid of his, to go along with us, both to be a partaker of our joy and of the troubles which befell us. She assisted us faithfully with good advice and actual help, and proved particularly a real comfort and benefit to me after the departure of my dear husband. Her cordial and confident connection with our Savior alleviated all difficulties to us both. She took a very near and affectionate share in all my circumstances. She experienced also here in Curland various trials, but her endeavours for the good of the souls were attended with blessing, the fruits of which will show themselves in time to come. Both high and low had a particular love, confidence and esteem for her. She has shown inexpressible faithfulness to me and my child till to her end. May our Savior reward her now richly for it. He alone can comfort me about the loss of this venerable mother and intimate friend of mine. September 29th, 1773 she returned with me and my child to Herrnhut, glad and thankful for all the proofs of grace and mercy shown to us all by our dear Lord.”
April 26th in this year 1778 she grew very weak. She said directly that she had spoken fully with our Savior about her whole course of life and had got the assurance that he would soon take her to himself. She added: Ah how sweetly will it sound when I shall be with my dear Savior and sing praises unto him! Yet I shall never rejoice over my happiness otherwise than with a blushing face. I have not to show any great actions or deeds; all is covered with faults, so that I have nothing to say but: Lord forgive me my trespasses. The weakness and straitness in her breast increased more and more, and April 30th this handmaid of Jesus entered into the joy of her Lord after a remarkable course through this time. Her age was 64 years, 9 months and 19 days.
