12

the ships below appearing as small as
cockle shells and the men like crawling
insects my mind was uncommonly struck,
with the sublime and awful scene, and im-
pressed with an overpowering Sense of the
immensity of that universe, of wch the earth
with all its water wide and deep, and with
all its stupendous mountains, is but a speck,
a mere atom. How great then, thought I,
how immensely great must He be, who
has called the whole creation into existence,
and who upholds all things by the word of
his power. And do you really believe, said I
to myself, that this great Builder of the Uni-
verse: “who dwelleth on high, & humbleth
himself, to behold the things, that are in
heaven and in the earth”, should have appeared
in the world in the form of a Servant, & died
on the cross, that he might redeem fallen man,
and raise him to glory!? Reason answered
no it is far too much to be believed: it is im-
possible; but my heart, with a clear wit-
ness of the Spirit within, and melting under
a sense of the love of God, said, yes, I must
believe it from what I have experienced,
lost and undone should I be, if it were not so
but in my great Creator I have found my
Savior

13

Savior and Redeemer, who has delivered my
Soul from the pit of corruption, and is become
to me a never failing source of comfort, peace
and joy. Thus a grand view of nature proved
the occasion of an animating manifestation of
of divine love.

Another instance is this. For a consider-
able time my heart had been as cold as ice, and
dead as a stone, altho’ I was not particularly
harrassed by tempitations, or the workings of my corrupt
nature, and tho’ I was well convinced, that this
was a lamentable state, I had neither power
nor inclination to pray for a change, & for
a return of my former blessed & tender feeling.
In this state I took a solitary walk into a
wood, and laid myself, dead & cold as I was
at the feet of my Savior and cried: “Lord,
have mercy upon me.” It was not long before
such a transition took place, as if I had been
translated from darkness into light, & from
death into life, God revealed himself to me
in his unspeakable love. And O! how often
has he by an unexpected touch, without any
particular occasion, melted my heart, how
often has he drawn me with chords of love.
when I was least aware of it, yea, how often
has he laid his hand upon me, when I was

14

on the point of deviating from the right
path and going astray, and if at any time.
my frail nature had swerved beyond the
proper bounds, he soon created in me a god-
ly sorrow on account of it, and then again
filled my heart with peace and comfort.
During my stay at Fulneck I experienced
a particular prresenation of my life. Being
one Sunday sent to Baildon to preach, I
took a short road, where I had to cross a small
river, wch, in dry weather is fordable on step-
ping stones, but was now so swelled by the rain
that it could only be crossed over in a boat.
The ferryman having gone to Church, a
stout looking boy offered to ferry me over &
we set off, but when we had got into the
middle of the stream, he found it so rapid
that he lost the command of the boat, & was
obliged to let it go down with the current,
which carried us into a mill race, & brought
us to the very edge of the mill dam, from
which the superfluous water was precipitatg
itself into a bed of stones. We now expected
to go down the fall and to be dashed among
the stones wch had happened to others in this
place, who lost their lives, and indeed the
people came running from the mill & the
adjacent

 

adjacent houses, to see what would be come
of us. But when we came to the edge of the
fall, the boat instead of going down with
the torrent, gliding gently along close to the
edge, safely passed the waterfall, two young
men from the mill then got into the boat,
and ferried me safe over the river. Having
thus received, as it were, my life anew out
of the hand of God, I dedicated it anew to
him, to spend it in his service & to his glory.
In the year 1770 I was called to Dublin,
these to have the care of the single Brn and
Boys, including the Children, as also to
assist in preaching. Previous to my setting
out I was ordained a Deacon of the Brns
Church by Br. Johannes de Watteville then
on a visit at Fulneck.
During my 5 years service in that Congn,
I experienced much patience, long-suffering
& forbearance, but also much grace & favor
from my bountiful Lord. Many temptations
indeed from the side of an evil world presented
themselves to my view & I had no power
in myself to resist, but rather found my
treacherous heart but too ready and prone
to engage in unprofitable things; but I cried
to the Lord in my distress, & he heard my cry

 

and delivered me in every time of need,
As the Congn. at that time was desirous, that
a Boys day school should be instituted under
the Brns direction and management, I was
glad of being servicable in establishing and
promoting said institution, wch indeed in
the beginning afforded but an unpromising as-
pect, but in process of time began to prosper
beyond our expectation and was attended with
the Lord’s blessing.
In August 1783, that is, 11 years after my
arrival in England, I received Call, to be
one of the Writers to the U.E.C., wch I accepted
from the conviction, that it came from the
Lord. But it lasted till February following,
before I could set out on my passage to Ger-
many. Several occurrences render’d this jour-
ney very remarkable. First I lost all my
goods, when the Ship, in which I was send-
ing them from Dublin to London, was wrecked
on the Welsh Coast, wch loss however did not
affect me much as my immediate wants
were relieved by the Brn & Srs in Dublin
according to their wonted liberality. The
next difficulty arose from the hard winter
then prevailing. The landing in Holland
had been render’d very difficult & expensive

 

by the ice living the coast, and requiring
ice boats to land the passengers, it was but
just cleared of the ice when I had to go over.
The ice having been stopped both in the
Rhine and in the Elbe, dreadful inunda-
tions had ensued, wch rendered the roads im-
passable, and when I left Zeist it was with
the first post waggon that could travel, &
still in several places the road was intersected
by the water. Thus I saw a hand of provi-
dence in it, that my setting out from Dublin
had been so long delayed. But when I had
reached the borders of Germany, the winter
set in again, it snowed day and night and
the roads were rendered nearly impracticable.
One night we actually stuck fast in the snow
and we could not have been extricated, if there
had not been another carriage in company,
whose horses joined to ours rescued us from our
disagreable situation. In short, I had so
much to suffer from cold, sickness and fatigue
that when at last I reached Barby in the
beginning of April, my heart was full of
thanks and praises for my presentation, and
I found my faith and confidence in divine,
providence much strengthened, and indeed
it was a wonder to me, that I had been kept
safe and sound.

 

In August 1784 I was married to my late
wife Johanna Eleanora Gaertinor, & in Septr
moved with the U.E.C. to Herrnhut. Here in
consequence of the hardships I had suffered on
my journey from Holland, as before described
I had to indure a severe illness, and was brought
nigh unto death, but it proved a salutary effort
of nature, under the divine blesing, to bring
about a better and more durable state of health
than I had enjoyed before. I shall never
forget, what comfort and encouragement
I received during this illness when once in
a sleepless night, my mind laboring under
great distress, the watchman passing under
my window, began to sing with a charming
voice:. Herr Jesu, unser Flehen etc.
Hear our prayer, gracious Savior Jesus,
Friend of Soul so dearly bought!
Let thy grace prevail and bless us,
Far beyond our feeble thought!
Lead us ever with thy favor
That we may in times succeeding
See from grace to grace proceeding.
My appointment as Writer to the U.E.C.
was exceedingly pleasant to me, tho’ very
laborious, and I was sorry to be soon called
to another station. For in the year following

 

I was appointed Minister of the Congn
at Neusalz, and having been ordained a
Presbyter by Br Spangenberg, I arrived there
with my wife, who was then pregnant, the
23d of March, after a difficult and hazardous
journey, the snow being uncommonly deep.
The state of the Congn whom we came to
serve, was such, that we might have been
discouraged from undertaking the office
if our Lord had not supported us with the
believing hope, that he would be with us,
& bless our service which hope was in the
sequel realised beyond our expectation.
In 1785 the Lord blessed us with the birth
of a Son, whom we dedicated unto Him
as his blood bought property.
But now began a scene of domestic distress,
wch under a various changes & vicissitudes,
lasted till the happy departure of my be-
loved wife, who during a period of 6 years
had to endure one sickness after another,
& even in the intervals did not enjoy any
comfortable state of health. The early de-
parture of our little Son who for half a
year labored under a gradual decline, con-
tributed much to the injury of her frame,
as she took it much to heart.

 

During this period I was often harrassed
by such a variety and multiplicity of distresses
and perplexiting circumstances, that I should
have been quite unfit for the duties of my office
and the service of the Congn, if our Savior
had not supported me in an extraordinary
manner, next to wch the love and kindness
we experienced from our Brn & Srs was also
a great help and benefit to us.
In the beginning of 1789 we were called
upon to officiate during the Synod at Gna-
denfrey, while both the Congn Helper & the
Minister of that Congn were attending the
Synod. My dear wife was but just recovering
from a severe illness, and still so weak, that
she could not cross the room without help
nevertheless we accepted the call in reliance
upon our Savior’s support, who graciously
answered our prayers on that occasion.
Our short residence at Gnadenfrey was in-
deed attended with much labor and fatigue,
but we also experienced much of our Savior’s
help in time of need, & were strengthened by
the mutual support of our fellow labourers
and the general love of the Brn & Srs, so that
our hearts overflowed with thanks and praises
when in the spring 1790 we set out for England,

 

having been appointed by the Synod La-
borers of the London Congn.
We arrived in London in June following
Here we had again to pass thro’ a variety of
new & heavy trials; the increasing sickliness
of my wife soon disabled her from attending
her office, and terminated at last in a confirmed
decline. This and other distresses had such
an effect upon my whole frame, that I
felt sick and was again brought nigh unto
death. The Lord however blessed the means
used for my recovery, and strengthened me
anew, to administer my last help to my dear
wife now hastening to her dissolution, and
to wait upon her, till she was permitted to
enter into her eternal rest.
At the close of this period taking a retrospect-
ing view of the various afflicting dispensations
I had passed thro’, and which at times seemed
to bear to hard upon me, I could thank our
Savior with heartfelt gratitude for all the de-
monstrations of his love and goodness, and for
causing all things to work together for my good
I am fully convinced from my own experience
that He doth all things well, that all his chast-
enings on love, and that our short affliction
wch is but for a moment, worketh a far more

 

exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while
we look not at the things wch are seen, but at
the things wch are not seen.
After the happy departure of my late Wife
in January 1792 I spent one year as a Wi-
dower, and our Savior granted me a time of
refreshing rest. In September the same year
I received an appointment, to serve the Congn
at Bedford, but circumstances delayed my
going thither till the year following.
On the 2d. April 1793 I was married to the
S. Sr Jane Dodgson, and soon after we went
to Bedford.
Our stay there was upon the whole very
agreeable, and we richly enjoyed the blessing
of God, and the love and confidence of our Brn
& Srs. We had indeed also our share of diffi-
culties, but the Lord helped us thro’ them all.
When we found ourselves quite comfortably
settled, we received a Call to Dublin, and ar-
rived there in December 1794.
As we both had served this Congn before,
tho’ in different capacities, & pretty well
knew beforehand, what difficulties awaited
us to encounter, we felt rather heavy on that
account, but nevertheless, trusted in the
Lord, that he would continue to support us,

 

as he had done hitherto. Nor was our confi-
dence put to shame, and amidst our own
infirmities, and various trials we had to pass
thro’ we enjoyed much grace and blessing
from our Savior, and his gracious support
in every time of need.
One of the heaviest trials, which occurred
during this period, was that dreadful re-
bellion, wch while it lasted, raged with sa-
vage fury, and more than once threatened
destruction to the City of Dublin. It was well
for us, not to know the full extent of the
dangers we were surrounded with tho’ we
were also frequently alarmed by false reports
and needless apprehensions. Frequently the
state of things was such, that our lives seem’d
to hang by a slender thread, and on several
occasions it was a serious question, we had
to put to ourselves, whether we were duly
prepared to meet the impending fate, tho’
we should be carried off by a sudden stroke.
Our hope was in the Lord, who heard our
humble prayers and supplications for the
good of the country, and granted a happy
issue to that awful contest wch, if it had
terminated in the intended revolution & sub-
version of the existing Government, would

 

would have occasioned scenes of unparalled
cruelty, massacre and devastation.
We were thankful to the Lord, that we not
could
only possess our own Souls in patience, but also
administer comfort and encouragement to others.
During that time I also experienced a remark-
able preservation from bodily harm, having
my legs nearly crushed by a brewer’s dray drive-
ing against a jaunting car, in wch I was sitting
sideways. The injury I received was however
such, that for a considerable time I was pre-
vented officiating in the Church. But far
more important was the preservation of my
Soul in the midst of so many temptations
abounding in such a large City, wch I could
by no means overcome by my own strength,
but solely by looking unto Jesus the Author
& Finisher of my faith.
And let me here observe again, that for
the most part of my life scarcely a day has
passed, when I had not some humbling
sense & symptom of the vileness & depravity
of my nature, which caused me to mourn &
to seek help and comfort in our Savior, the
blessed consequence of wch was, that I also ex-
perienced the comforts of his pardoning & reviving

 

grace. This constant need of a Savior, and
the never failing help and refuge I found
in Him, proved to me the reality of the
Gospel, and my sure interest in Christ’s re-
demption. And as my experience tallied with
the written word of God, it confirmed my high
regard and veneration for the sacred oracles:
or else that stupendous & all conception far
surpassing fact: God was manifest in the
flesh, and suffer’d blood and died for Sinners,
would have utterly confounded my reason
& understanding and staggered all belief.
When the Synod of 1801 had come to a close,
and I had received no intimation of an intended
change, I concluded, that I should continue
in the service of the Dublin Congn & therefore
devoted myself anew to the Lord for that pur-
pose. But while I was sitting in my room
in this happy fame of mind, the postman
brought a letter, containg our appointment
to the service of Fulneck Congn. This indeed
came very unexpected, and was not altogether
agreeable to our wishes, as we were much
attached to the Dublin Congn, with whom we
had shared a great deal of joy, as well as of
distress and trouble, particularly during the

 

late rebellion. But having devoted ourselves
unreservedly to the Lord’s service, & promised
obedience to his will and guidance, we could
do no other than accept of that new appointment.
We arrived at Fulneck Nov. 10. 1801, and on
the 13th following, on wch day 65 years ago
I had experienced the first real and abiding
manifestation of Jesus love and grace, I was
according to a Synodal resolution, confirmed
by the Lord, consecrated a Bishop of the Brns
Church by the Brn Traneker and Moore, on
wch occasion I was so overpowerd by the grace
of God, that with purpose of heart, and without
any reserve whatever, I surrender’d myself anew
to my Lord & Savior and from a pure motive
of love and gratitude for his lovingkindness
and goodness towards me, dedicated my fu-
ture services to Him in that house & family
of his own to which He had graciously led
me in my early youth.
On this occasion it will not be improper
for me, to state my views respectg the Brn
Congn, to wch I have the favor to belong.
The Church of Christ here on earth appears
to me like a large and fruitful gardens, con-
sisting of a number of compartments or divisions

 

differing indeed both in arrangement & cul-
ture, but all under the care and managment
of one & the same Gardener; who appoints
Laborers for each division of his garden &
vineyard, instructing them in the proper mode
of cultivating that part which is exclusively
committed to them. Now it is well known,
that different plants require both a different
treatment and a different soil, & would not e-
qually prosper in a soil less congenial to their
texture and nature. So it is with the different
denominations in the Christian Church. All
of them, that confess Jesus Christ to be their
Lord and Master, and walk in the way of his
precepts and commandments deriving from
him wisdom, righteousness, sanctification and
redemption, and keeping the word of his pa-
tience, belong to the Lord’s vineyard, & occupy
different compartments where they receive a
different treatment under their peculiar
form and constitution; there they find them-
selves at home and thrive best. Thus there
are many excellent Children of God, whom our
constitution, discipline and outward form
would not suit, and who would not like to
be confined within our fold. And thus on the

 

other hand those whom our Savior has
called to the Brns Church, & who are genuine
members of the same, could not foot themselves
at home in any other denomination, nor be
so much further’d in their course any where else.
This at least is my case, conviction and ex-
perience, and the Brs Church has proved
to me the most congenial soil for growing in
the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
It is in this fold, that I have been screened and
secured from the deleterious influence of se-
duction, so common among young people when
left to themselves; it is there that I received
a careful education, combining the know-
ledge of spiritual things with useful learning
of things pertaining to this life: it is there that
by serving in a variety of situations & passing
thro’ various trials, peculiar to our connection
with one another, I was qualified both to feed
the sheep of Christ, and from my own expe-
rience to lead them deeper into a proper ap-
plication of the word of life & the merits of our
Lord Jesus Christ; it is there, that the gifts &
talents allotted to me, can be more usefully em-
ployed than any where else, and finally it is
there, that my heavenly race meets with the
least obstruction & with the best encouragement.

 

If therefore others have the same special Call,
let them obey it, and they will find themselves
in the right place, they will thrive & prosper
and they will clearly see from their blessed
experience, that He, who has called them, is
faithful to perform the purposes of their callg
and election. And Oh! that our young people,
who are born and bred in our Congn, and thus
have a clear Call to it, might duly reflect on
our Savior’s views with them in regard to
their course thro’ life and be duly concerned
to inherit the blessing of their Parents & An-
cestors. And Oh! may the Brns people never
forget, that the Lord has formed them for him-
self, to be his witnesses, to confess him among
men as the only Savior of perishing Sinners,
to be living monuments of his redeemg grace
and power, and persevere in their endeavors
for the conversion of heathen nations; and
Oh! may they, walking in the fear of the Lord,
and in the comfort of the Holy Ghost be mul-
tiplied! Amen.
But to resume my Narrative. When I en-
tered upon the service of Fulneck Congn, I was
well aware of the multiplicity of labor, cares
and difficulties belonging to it, nor could I think
myself sufficient for that station, but nevertheless

 

I submitted to every part of my calling in
reliance upon our Saviors gracious support
wch. I also richly experienced under a variety of
heavy circumstances. In the beginning it was
a great help to me, that our late dear Brother
Traneker still continued for some time to act
as Congn. Helper and to take some share in
the labor, but after his departure I had to en-
ter fully upon the exercise of all my functions
as Congn. Helper Minister & Inspector of the
Schools.
Every period of the Brns. Church has been
attended with its own peculiar difficulties
but what renders the office of a Laborer in
such a situation now a days more particu-
larly embarrassing, is the want of proper
persons for managing the Concerns of a Place
Congn., and for serving our Boarding Schools
as Teachers or Assistants, or in any other ca-
pacity. If therefore a vacancy happens, it is
no easy matter to fill it up again with a
proper qualified person. At one time in par-
ticular this circumstance caused me much dis-
tress of mind, and I cried day and night to the
to the Lord for help, till it came from quar-
ter, from when I had least expected it. On the
other hand I found abundant cause to rejoice,

 

over the blessing, which the Lord had laid
upon the Schools. For when I first came to
Fulneck in the year 1772, as first Teacher of
the Boys Oeconomy, consisting at that time
of about I Boys, I found it in such needy
circumstances, and so low in the estimation
of others, that it required much patience to
endure it, and much faith to hope for better
times. And on my return in the year 1801
I found a School of about 70 Boys settled
in a new house built for the purpose, and
another of upwards of 50 Girls occuping the
lower apartments under the Chapel, placed
under our care in easy circumstances This
was to me a most striking proof, that the
Lord sees our tears, hears our prayers, & in
due time grants our petitions, yet doth ex-
ceeding abundantly above all that we can ask
or think, for his own name’s sake. My only
wish and prayer was, that we might be able,
to do justice to our important calling. And
in this respect, as all others, I was heartily
thankful to our Saviors and admired his
gracious leading, that in my dear wife he-
had given me a partner, well qualified for
our station and respective employments
In the year 1810 I was brought very low and

 

and much reduced by a slow nervous fever
wch almost incapacitated me for any time
but still I was not entirely laid up, & could
transact the most urgent matters.
Our service in Fulneck, arduous & laborious
at best, on account of the multiplicity of our
incumbencies, was in the 2 last years rendered
still more so by the misfortunes, occasioned by
the spirit of speculation in trade, wch was
then prevailing throughout the mercantile
community and was the cause of innume-
table ruinous failures. The reproach, which
then, tho’ undeservedly; fall upon the Congn
and its Servants, and other highly distressing
circumstances bore heavy upon our minds
but at the same time we were so strengthen’d
by the Lord, and supported by his powerful
aid, that we were able to bear up under
all trials and difficulties
Upon the whole, when we survey our 11
years residence and labor in Fulneck, our
hearts are filled with gratitude for the in-
numerable proofs of the unchangeable love.
grace and mercy of our Lord and Master, ex-
perienced both in our private course, & in
our official labors. Nor is it the least of his
favors, that he counted us worthy, to serve

 

not only the Fulneck Congn, but also its
dependencies, the rest of our Congn in York-
shire, and their numerous Schools.
In the year 17811 we received our Call to Ire-
land, where, besides our, joint offices, I was
to succeed our late Br. Hartley in that of
Prov. Helper of Ireland, & Minister of Grace-
hill; but it lasted till October 1812, before
we could set out for our new post where we
arrived on the 14th of that month.
In this new situation I feel again every day
anew the absolute necessity, to look to Jesus
the Author and Finisher of my faith, that I may
not only be preserved from sin and the evils of
a corrupt nature, but also grow up in his like-
ness in all things. along with an humbling
sense of the entire depravity of soul & body,
and the constant need of a Physician, & under
a deep conviction, that I am not worthy of
the least of all his mercies, I am favored with
a high conception of my heavenly calling
and election of grace, and of the infinite worth
of that crown of life, which the Lord, the
righteous Judge, shall give unto all them
that love his appearing. But oh!, how often
do I feel an unaccountable listlessness, and
must blame myself for culpable tardiness

 

in proving that holiness without which
no man shall see the Lord. How often do I
feel irksome, when he applies the refiner’s
fire and the fuller’s soap to the purifying of
my sinful nature. tho’ I ought to be thank
ful, that he is so unremittingly engaged with
my poor Soul, and so constantly intent upon
carrying on the good work he has begun
Oh that I could now spend the remainder of
my pilgrimage to the joy and honor of Him
who has redeemed me from all iniquity and
given me power to become a Child of God
and an heir of eternal bliss and glory.
What inmumerable escapes & preservations
of my soul have I experienced in the course
of my pilgrimage, little known to them
who were conversant with me & could not
observe the various temptations, besetting
me from within and from without, and
the trials arising as much from my natural
disposition, as from unpleasant occurences.
Tho’ I am truly thankful for that share
& confidence, which I have enjoyed in every
Congn whom I had the favor to serve, and
that I could live in peace & harmony with
my fellow laborors. tho’ I was perfectly sa-
tisfied with my situation in life and tem-
poral

 

poral circumstances, yea could truly say, even
in this respect” my lot has fallen to me in a
pleasant place, and I have got a goodly heritage,”
tho’ in general I have enjoyed a good state of
health, and was possessed of a variety of tem–
poral blessings, suited to my taste and natural
disposition, taking particular delight in works
of art, and the beauties of nature: yet, with
all these advantages, the world would haveth
been to me a true vale of tears, and much
mourning and weeping has attended me on
my pilgrimage. But I have also derived
constant consolation from the suffering life
of my dear Redeemer; And O! how blessed
was it for me, that by the afflictions of this
life I was continually excited, to look forward
to the end of my earthly warfare & pilgrimage,
and to the blessed moment, when I shall
be permitted, to enter into the joy of my Lord,
and to rest from all my labors.
It behoves me to mention in this place,
that besides the reading of the holy Scriptures
which afforded a rich and delightful pasture
to my mind, I was also much benefited by
many hymns in our Collection, especially such
as tallied with the experience & feelings of my
own heart; and many sleepless hours in the

 

night have I spent agreeably in repeating
or rehearsing such as were familiar to in
recollection and suitable to my circumstances.
And how shall I now O Lord thou God
of my salvation, express unto Thee my infi-
nite obligations whose mercy towards me
has been new every morning. Thou didid sepa-
rate me from my mother’s womb, and set thy
love upon me, before ever I had heard thy name
and before I could make the least returns
Thro’ thy kind providence I had both in me
respected Parents and in my 6 Teachers faithful
guides of my youth, and in my early days
was favored to hear the joyful sound of the
gospel, and to have a crucified Savior set be-
fore the eyes of my poor and contrite spirit
Altho’ thro’ thy tender care and divine power
I was preserved from the snares of an evil world,
from the wiles of Satan, and from the de-
structive power of Sin; yet thro’ the teaching
of thy holySpirit I was thoroughly convinced
both of the total corruption of my nature and
its helpless state, and of the necessity to flee
for refuge and to lay hold of the hope that is
set before us. How can I thank Thee sufficiently
for all the clear evidences & blessed manifestations
of thy love and goodness towards me, & of the
healing

 

healing, sanctifying and guickening virtue
of thy precious blood, without wch I must
have perished in the leprosy of sin. What
a poor unhappy mortal should I have been
continually harrassed and tormented with
pride, ambition, envy and jealousy, and
destroying myself in the service of Sin, if
I had not found in Thee deliverance, peace
of mind and rest of soul. Thro’ thy grace
it was my happy lot, to live content under
all the various dispensations of thy kind
providence, and in every place of my
earthly residence. Thou hast taken great
pains to train my me for thy service, and
to qualify me for every situation in thy
house, to wch I was appointed, but ah!
how short did I fall of that Zeal & activity,
wch I ought to have shown in the perform-
ance of my duties! To glorify Thee with all
the faculties and abilities of spirit, soul and
body, because they were bought with a price,
and preserved from the destructive power of
sin, should have been my constant study
by day and night. Thy rich forgeveness
must cover all my short comings, neglects
& omissions. And O how readily hast Thou
pardoned thy unprofitable Servant on all

 

occasions, meeting me half way falling about
my neck and kissing me, even before I could
make my humble confession with tears of re-
pentance and contrtion. However unde-
serving I may be, still I can rest upon that
gracious promise of thine:” where I am there
shall also my Servant be!” And O! how do I
rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory
at the enchanting prospect before me, to
enter once into thy blissful presence, to be
for ever at home with thee, to behold this glo-
rious countenance, to come unto mount Sion
and to the City of the living God, the heavenly
Jerusalem, to an inumerable company of
Angels, to the general Assembly & Church of
the firsbom wch are written in heaven & to
God the Judge of all
Till then I will lean on Thee, my Beloved
while walking thro’ the wildemess, and live
by the faith of the Son of God, who has loved
me and given himself for me. Amen.
Thus far written in the year 1814-
S.J.. Benade
Note. The following occurrence has been
omitted in the foregoing Narrative, wch how-
ever belongs to the remarkable incidents of my
Life

 

Life.– In the year 1803 two Tahitian youths,
Meydow and Olai, had been by the London
mission Society committed to the care of Br Wm
Okely then Minister of our Congn at Mirfield,
for their instruction both in the English lan-
guage & in the Christian doctrine. Their
moral conduct had been from the beginning
correct and exemplary, and latterly they gave
clear evidences of religious impressions & of a
work of grace in their hearts. Having ex-
pressed a desire after baptism, and being
instructed in the spiritual character of this
holy ordinance, it was administered to them
by our Lords approbation, in a solemn assembly
in the Chapel, Meydow receiving the name
of Joseph and Olai that of Christian; after
wch within a short period they both fell asleep
in Jesus, Joseph first, and his brother Christian
not many days after.
To myself it was not only a pleasant duty,
but also a great favor, to be thus made instru-
mental in administering holy baptisin to
those two Tahitian Youths and to perform
the office of a Heathen Messenger in Christian
country.

 

October.28th 1817
Seventy one years have now passed away since
I was born, and fifty years, since I entered into
the service of the B rethren’s Unity for which
had been destined and educated from my
early youth. How precious are thy thoughts
unto me, O God! how great is the Sum of them’
If I could count them, they are more in num
ber than the sand. Bless the Lord, O my Soul
and all that is within, bless his holy Name!
From all eternity with love– unchangeable
Thou hast me view’d–Ere knew this beating
heart to move– Thy tender mercres me pur-
sued!. Ever may they with me abide– And
close me in on every side!’
Deeply bowed in the dust, yea prostrate at
thy feet, I adore Thee O Lord, and with a
flood of tears, I render unto Thee my un-
feigned thanks and praises for inumerable
mercies of all kinds, so undesenvedly be-
stowed upon me during so long a period,
while passing thro’ this vale of tears, under
so many changes and vicissitudes, trials and
tribulations. I can bear abundant testimony
from my own experience, that Thou art
the Lord merciful and gracious long -suffer
ing

 

ing, and abundant in goodness and truth.
forgiving iniquity, transgression and sin.
and that thy mercy is new every morning.
In my forlorn condition. Those Lord, didst
me receive–Thou savedst from perdition-
My soul, and badst me live. –With inward
Spirits ardor –I thank Thee for thy grace,
Thyself this heavenly fervor– Of love to
Thee increase. Oh! that now the few re-
maining days of my pilgrimage may be
consecrated to thy service and to thy glory.
But oh, how do I blush with shame-
and confusion of face, when I reflect, how
often I still grieve Thee by unbelief, cold-
ness of heart, want of love, carnal propen-
sities, indolence in thy service, and various
other things, when I reflect, how short
I fall of those virtues and excellencies, wch
adorn the Christian character, and wch are
exhibited to us in thy walk and conversa-
tion, in thy whole life here on earth. How
little do I yet discover of that meekness &
lowliness of heart, wch we are to learn of
Thee, and of that purrity and holiness, with
out wch no man shall see the Lord. There
are indeed hours of grace, when I am par-

 

ticularly led to meditate, both upon that
wonderful act of thy bleeding & dying love
when Thou gavest thyself for my salvation
and redemption, and upon that tender un-
wearied care Thou hast taken of me from
my tender infancy until now, bearing, for
giving, comforting, upholding, and sup-
plying my wants in every time of need, and
when the flame of love kindled in my heart
burns bright and strong; but ah! how soon
is it again like smoking flax, & my faith
and confidence like a bruised reed. How
soon might the smoking flax be quenched
and the bruised reed be broken, if thy mercy
did not sustain me from day to day.
And what shall I say respecting my poor
services:? They are not performed with that
Goal and fervency of spirit, wch ought to
activate me, whether I declare the counsel
of God for our salvation in public, of address
either the Congn. collectively of any Choir
separately, or when I administer the holy
Sacraments, or am engaged in any other
official duties. How often do I act more
from a sense of duty than from an impulse
of love. I claim no reward, but I humbly
implore

 

implore thy forbearance, patience & pardon
But O my Savior, what an arduous sta-
tion hast thou called me to occupy in this
country. The destitute of the necessary
means, I am required to afford help & relief
in different quarters and on various ocea-
sions, where it is called for. Is it a wonder
that my faith at any time should seem
to fail, and my courage to sink! But
no. I will not cast away my confidence,
and why should I, after so many striking
proofs and instances of thy gracious help
& support in difficult & trying circumstances,
where human help was in vain, doubt of
thy further help? I am thy Servant.,it is
thy cause I wish to serve: it is thy will
I should have my station here, & it was
in obedience to thy call, that I came, not
knowing what awaited me.
Me thy all- seeing eye
Hath kept with watchful care,
Thy great compassion never fail’d,
Those heardst my needy pray’r-
This makes me firmly trust,
Thou’lt lead me farther still-
And safely guide throughout the way,
That leads to Sion’s hill

 

October 28th 1818
What shall I say of the year that is now
gone by. it was indeed a period of many se-
vere trials of various kinds, but the greatest
of all was, that on the 6th of August it pleased
the Lord, to take home to himself my beloved
partner and faithful helpmate, with whom
I had lived in the married state 25 years, &
who not only was a pleasant companion
to me but also an experienced Assistant in
the labor, having already previous to our
marriage served a number of years as a faith
full handmaid of the Lord among the Girls
and single Sister. Thus I was now the 2nd
time placed in the state of a Widower at
a time of life, when such an agreeable com-
panion and faithful helpmnate is doubly
valuable. My desire was now more than
ever fixed upon things above, & upon being
at home with the Lord.
I had also some expectation at the close
of the Syned held this year at Herrnhut,
that I should be permitted to lay down my
offices and enjoy some rest, but was disap-
pointed and rather found, that by the new
regulations

 

regulations agreed upon I should have some-
additional duties to perform. Nothing there-
fore remains to me but to commit myself
anew to the hands of my faithful Lord and
Savior, relying on his gracious promise
And even to Your old age I am He, and even
to fear faits will I carry you; I have made
and I will bear; even I will carry & deliver
you. Isas 16! 4. Amen be it so.
The year 1823 was an account of the
partly syainit prruaiting in the Cangn and
exnows tin urnrearcer cosrecfed with its,
a trying period to me, and finding, that
by gouty and rheumatic affections my bodily
strength was much impaired, and that both
body and mind were no longer equal to the
performance of my official duties, I followed
my conviction, that after a service of 56
years I might retire from my former acti-
vity to a more easy situation, and therefore
resigned all my offices except that of Minister.
Thus I could begin the year 1826 with
a chearing prospect of rest and peace from
within and without, nor was I disappointed
in my expectation. I really anticipated the
fulfillment of the prophecy my people

 

shall dwell in a peaceable habitation, in
sure dwellings, and in quiet resting placed
All my mourning was turned into joy, and
I could thank the Lord even for the afflictions
I had to pass thro’, as they afforded in the
end new evidences of his unchangeable love
and faithfulness. My great concem and my
earnest prayer and supplication now is, that
the Spirit of God may prepare me for meeting
of Savior with joy, and make me meet
for an inheritance among the. Saints in light,
is to my present situation I can truly
testify with the Psalmist; my lines are
fallen unto me in pleasant places, yea’
I have a goodly heritage.” Ps 16. 6