Moravian Lives

A Collection of Moravian Memoirs from 18th Century English Congregations

Henrietta von Hayn (1724-1782)

Memoirs of our much beloved late Sister Henriette Mary Louise V. Hayn; who on the 27th of Aug: 1782 at Herrnhut entered into the Joy of her Lord. She left the following Account concerning herself,

Louisel that poor Sinner would rather lie weeping at the feet of Jesus, then say anything touching her Pilgrimage here below: But ah! In love to my Soul he has been very gracious to me, and therefore I cannot keep silence, but am moved in simplicity of heart to give to my dearest Brethern & Sisters a Narrative of what He hath done to my Soul.

I was born May 28th 1724 at Idstein a Town in Nassau. My Father was George Henry V. Hayn Cheif Forester in all the Principality of Nassau, born in Lower Lusatia, where my Grand Father had his Estates. My Mother was Ernestine V. Losberg from Oettingen in Swabia. Her Father when a Child of 7 Years, emigrated with his Mother out of Austria for the sake of Religion forsaking all their Relations and Estates. Poor I, and indeed one of the meanest of Gods Creatures, as far as I can recollect felt my Saviours Love from my tenderest Infancy. When a little Child I frequently had such a tender Sensation of his Love, that I some times retired to a Corner and cry’d, and no body knew why. The lovely Work of Grace, which the Holy Ghost carri-

carried on in my tender heart is still new to me to this very hour. By occasion of learning the first Verses by way of Prayer, as the Saviour’s Blood & Righteousness &c. I felt and tasted already something of that dear & precious blood, and re- ceived such lively Impressions of the dear suff- ering Lamb of God, which continued with me through out my whole Life. Once in quite a miraculous manner a Herrnuttish or Moravian little Doctrinal Book for Children happened to come into my hands. It was just the thing that suited my taste when I was reading it I frequently kissed this little Book, carried it about me by day & night for fear of its being taken from me. When I grew bigger, and was then under continual Inspection, my constant study was, how to contrive to slip away for a little while in order to think on Jesus or to pray to him. When I could not succeed in the day time, I got up in the Night when all was fast asleep, and spent many an hour upon my krees, for my heart was verily burning for with Love toward Jesus. When we went a walking I sometimes contrived it, to stay a little behind, prostrated quickly on the Ground, as if I was wanting to pick flowers, and kissed the Ground thinking childlikely that was the spot where my dearest Jesus sweated Bloody sweat. In my 13th Year I went for the first time to the H. Sacrament in a Lutheran Church, and received this highest Good with deepest Reverence & Awe. After this, according to the custom of the World, they began to introduce me more into Company;

and as particularly some sensible persons and people of quality did very pretty with me and courted me, it proved a great hurt to my heart for I also strove to render myself agreable, and the good Understanding I was in with my dear Saviour, gradually ceased, instead of this fear and Shyness look place in me, so that I no more so childlikely could apply to him. my thoughts were accusing, or else excusing one another, and I came into distress & Misery on account of the Loss of the happiness in my Soul. I kneel’d down a hundred times, entreating our Saviour with tears to have Mercy on me again, and telling him, that I neither could nor would love any thing in this World but him alone; but a hundred times I was made sen- sible again, that it was not true, & that so easily something else could engage my unsteady Soul and mind. Thus I went on for several years in a con- tinual Lamentation about myself, and the loss of my former Familiarity with our dear Saviour. Everything in the World that comonly yields pleasure to young people, became disgustful to me. About this time I got to read the Berlin Discourses, which proved a great Comfort to me. I heard also a great deal of talk about a new Place in Wetteravia called Herrnhag, which the Herrnhuters were a building on account of which I felt an inexpressible joy. Notwithstanding the accounts that were given me concerning the Bretherns Congregations were the most contemptible, I always believed the contrary, and was fully assured within my heart, that this very People was my People, with whom

I wanted to live and to die; tho’ I never yet had seen a Brother or Sister. My only anxious Concern was how can it possibly be brought about to bear that I should get my place among them? Meanwhile I neglected no Oportunity where I could disclose to my Parents my thoughts about the new Phenomenon (appearance) of the Kingdom of God on Earth, and how much my heart was drawn towards it; but I perceived plain enough that I never could expect such a thing as to obtain their consent for my going to the Brethrens Congregation, without grieving them the utter most and yet, l loved them as much as my own Life. However when one Morning, as I usually did, was reading to my Father out of the New Testament, and I happened to come to these Words of our Saviour’s as He that loveth Father or Mother more then me, is not worthy of me. I was so struck that I laid down the Book, as if I was obliged to go about some business, hastened to my Room and wrote a Letter to my Father upon the subject of the above Words, declaring to him with many tears in a most moveing & submissive manner; that I now was no longer able to resist the divine Calling in my heart, and therefore was obliged to rise and to set out directly for Herrnhag. I did so, and set off immediately, without looking after anything, took the Letter with me, and when I got into the first Village, sent it back to my Parents house. Tho’ such a step appeared very extraordinary and bold to a high degree, and tho’ it caused me a great deal of trouble (for my Parents sent directly after me and fetched me back from Frankfurt) yet it proved the means

of my being set at liberty for some sensible Persons advised my Parents, to send me only for a short time to Herrnhag being confident, that I there would soon be convinced of my error and thus be cured of it forever. In consequence of this good advice I was expeditiously and very loveingly conveyed to Herrnhag for a Visit. Nov. the 5th 1744, was that to me ever blessed day, when I arrived at Marienborn and saw for the first time Brothers and Sisters, Such a Peace of God and feeling of the Congregation Spirit directly surrounded and pervaded me, as is always new to me, whenever I think on it. The Pilgrims Congregation happened then to be there, and our Saviour let me find favour with all the Brn & Srs but especially with the late dear Disciple, tho’ I was yet such a great Stranger. I had forsaken a couple of dear Parents, but here it was to me as if I had found at once hundred Fathers & Mothers, so loving did I feel the hearts of all the Brethern & Srs: towards poor me; and I was indeed like a Child, that is arrived from abroad in it’s own Mother’s house and among its kindred. After having been over poured with Grace & Love for several weeks in that dear House Marienborn, and the dear Disciple’s taking all pains on my account, and willing himself to my Father, offering himself to take me as his own child; I got Leave to move into the Sing. Sisters House at Herrnhag. I was not long there before the Holy Ghost begun a Work of Grace in my heart, I was very Simple and upright in telling every thing that was cleared up to me at that time, and whatever I could gather to accuse myself for; for I observed that I was wanting in point of Sinnership, & felt a longing

longing desire for it. I fought will many tears for Forgiveness in his Blood with regard to every thing that had occurred in my Life and that was not good. I got also the assurance of his Pardon, and was richly comforted. However the true self knowledge, and radical lure of Soul and Body were reserved to me for another period. According to the insight which I have at present into my case at that time, I was then carried away directly with the Stream of Grace & had not time rightly to reflect on myself. It was first then the Period of the Litany of the Wounds of Jesus, and of the Hymns concerning his Wounds. Whoever did experience it at that time, will know best how powerful Grace then was. I pass overall the great difficulties arising between my Parents & me, for half a year after I had left them, they demanded me back again, and as the late Disciple himself was apprehensive of various disagreable Consequences, I was obliged by his own positive Order to return once more to my Parents; however he assured one at the same time, that I should soon come back again, which actually came to pass. Our dear Saviour help’d me in a most wonderful manner so as to be entirely set at liberty and brought me joyful and happy back again to my dear Herrnhag. In the year 1746 on the 30th of Jany, I became Partaker of the Body & Blood of the Lord in the H. Sacrament for the first time with the Brethrens Congregation, with a right hungry soul, but so abashed, that it seemed to one, as if this Grace and Favour was much too great. In the same Year I moved into the Girls house for the Instruction of Children and lived with the Girls then I moved with the Oeconomy to Mareinborn, and in the year 1747 came with the Same back again to Herrnhag. As to the various Periods, which in a kind of constant Transport I passed through with the dear Congregation at Herrnhag, I dare not venture to say any thing particularly upon that Topick: Thus much I

I know with respect to myself, that I frequently felt powerful Grace, but for want of a Sinner Foundation I could not improve it rightly. Our Saviour be praised eternally! who in Love and Mercy to his poor sheep led them soon back to the wholesome Pasture of his Wounds, without harm & loss to any one, whose heart at that time kept him in view. In the Year 1750 the Girls house lost their dear Justine Schweiniz, who had the Care of that house for several years, and I was put into her place, after having been received an Acoluth, and blessed a Deaconess of the Bretherns Church already in the year 1748. In the Year 1750 I emigrated with the Girls Oeconomy to Upper Lusatia, and our first Place of abode was the Castle of Hennersdorf till in the year 1751 in March we moved to dear H.hut into that blessed House where I might fall prostrate and adore, whenever I enter into it and call to mind what unspeakable blessings were reserved saved for me that I might enjoy them in that House. The Remembrance of a thousand Cares & Sorrows attending the Office I was entrusted with among such a large number of Children, is indeed as if they were it was wiped away out of my mind. So much I recollect still what a painful and distressing thing it was; to see so many children hurt in their constitutions in consequence of the violent Draught of air prevailing in that House &c &c. That blessed Spirit the H. Ghost had in these and in the succeeding years his delight with our dear little Children, and perfected out of the Mouth of these Babes powerful Praise to our dear Saviour. However this is a thing very well known, & there was nothing left such an indelible impression upon my heart, as the deeply humbling Sensation, which I had of my Insufficiency, Defects & Mistakes, not withstanding my best Intention and good Will. But what at that time during these Songs of Praise, of his Babes, was done, to the Soul, of his unworthy Handmaid I cannot pass over in silence, but will

give a Simple Narrative of it. Notwithstanding all the Grace and Mercy which hitherto I had experienced and enjoyed, there remained yet in the bottom of my heart an incessant longing for attaining to a nearer Connexion with our Saviour, and I got into a state of Mourning, which in the beginning I could not understand; till in the year 1751 the late Disciple began to keep separate Conferences with some of us. which our Saviour made a means of promoting my eternal Felicity. He spoke to us, as it appeared to me, with extraordinary clearness concerning the New birth of the heart, the purifying of our Souls, the Necessity of becoming one Spirit with the Lord, the Sanctification, without which none shall see his Face. During his speaking upon these subjects a light began to shine in me, whereby I discovered clearly what was still wanting in me and what the H. Ghost had already spoken about to my heart for a considerable time. Now a new Work of God commenced in my heart, I got clearly to see the State which my Soul was in; the fall of Man was appropriated to me in such a manner, as if I myself personally had comitted the Crime; I got to feel it most sensibly, how both Soul & Body were mortally wounded, and that there was no soundness in the whole Man. All former Ex- periences of our Saviour were as if taken away from me, and I beheld myself like one on the brink of Destruction, full of dread and horror. This was the condition I was in till once during a Night Watch, which in those days I kept several times, the Holy Ghost presented to my mind the sorrowful Creator, bemoaning his fallen Creature Man, grieving on account of his spiritual Death and then at once fixing upon that noble Determination to become Man. Then it was to me as if all the Angels in heaven were proclaiming Peace to me. That was an important hour when for the first time again I got confidence to call upon Jesus and to weep for him. It was as if every

[Fragment of Memoir of Louisa von Hayn dep Aug 27 1782]

It was as of every Drop of Blood within me was crying after my Redeemer, my Advocate, to justify me before the Throne of God, and to declare me as his redeemed Child. These were indeed unutterable groanings which the H. Spirit himself made within me. But I discovered to no body, even not to my most intimate Friends about me, what was car- rying on within me, except to the late Discipless to whom I thought it my Duty to disclose my heart. Meanwhile I was able to transact my business uninterruptedly, and under this Godly Sorrow I felt in the inmost recesses of my heart a happiness already. Once being quite at a loss, not know- ing what to do, having even no strength to weep or to pray I retired to a lonely place, prostrated myself of the Ground, and cryed aloud like a little Child after its Mother, when at once a Sabbatical Rest entered into my Soul. It was to me as if I was dipt & sunk in Jesus Blood, and all my sense were soothed to quiet hushed. Then the bright day-Spring arose in my heart, like the Sun in his brightness breaking thro’ the Clouds. Whereas Peace, Peace, un- utterable Peace! I felt just like a new born Child, which by its Parents after hard Labour is tenderly embraced, kissed, suckled, fed, and lulled to sleep. O ye heavenly Moments! No human Comparison can ever come up to You! It was indeed to me as if every drop of blood in my veins, and all the Tears which were trickling down plentifully from my Cheeks were calling out, I am atoned for! I am reconciled! All that time I studiously shun’d all Company, list any body should discover that something extraordinary happened to me; for I appeared to myself in all respects like a now Creature and from a Deep sense of my Unworthiness and low state wanted to hide myself like a Worm in the ground.

This was of a truth entering into the Kingdom of Heaven to the enjoyment of the eternal Grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and of the most tender Affection of any dear Father in Heaven, an admission into the most intimate Fellowship of the Holy Ghost an access to the Well of Watter Springing up into everlasting Life, to the Vine whose Sap penetrates the whole Man of God, both as to Soul and to the body. Thus I gradually got used to this new way of being happy, and the dear H. Ghost was early & late imployed with me in admonish- ing, warning comforting, and especially in imprinting it deeply upon my hearty that all my Happenings and Felicty, is a very dear Purchase, even the Purchase of the Blood of Jesus Christ, in teaching me how to preserve this treasure in earthen yea in Sinful Vessels. Yea all the Divine Truths were laid before me to fresh & lively, as if taken out of the first hand, and set in such a cleare light, that I am not able to express it sufficiently Especially our Father in Heaven, my & my dearest Jesus Abba, was felt & worshipped by this Recon- ciled Child with tender Affection beyond all esc- pression. My dear Saviour reveled himself to my Soul by degrees, and previous to each new Manifestation, there was always a new Contrition of the heart, a new Sensation of Depravity, and a weeping after his Soul. For his part, he was from Year to Year more gracious, more tender and more condesending, and for my part, I became poorer & poorer and more begger like. To proceed farther in my Narrative, I think it neither needful nor profitable. His Passion, ah! his Passion! his bleeding and his dying, and that I poor little Worm am redeemed & saved from Sin and death

by that precious innocent blood, is so great to me, that it transcends every thing in time and in Eternity. So much this dear Handmaid of Jesus has left us in her own hand writing, of what the Lord had done to her Soul. How much might be still said concerning those many evidences of Grace; by which her Labour has been so remarkably distinguished, to the Blessing of so many kindred Souls, and concerning those precious Gifts where with she was adorned by her God & Creator. But she was one that walked humbly with her Lord, did not please herself, and wanted no Praise & Honour from Men; but found her greatest happiness in the Lowliness of the heart, and in the true Poverty of the Spirit looking upon were thing as unmerited Grace. Therefore He who bestowed every good Gift on her shall receive thousand thanks & Praise from us, for her beautiful Course of Grace, and for all which he thro’ her service has imparted to us. Her noble Character, and the Grace and Unction that rested upon her, as also the hap- piness of her heart, which lived wholly in our Saviour, is sufficiently known, out only by her delightful Hymns, but also her whole Demean- our, her Words & edifying Walk & Conversation.

After She had laboured for 16 Year in the Girls House with unwearied motherly Care & faithfulness as their Helper, she moved October 6th 1766 into the Choir House, to supply the Place of our dear late Caritas then going to Zeist, as Helper of the Single Sisters Choir here. In the years 1764 & 1769 She was present at the Bretherns Synods at Marien- born, & on her road visited the Sisters Choirs at Ebers- dorf & Neudietendorf much to her satisfaction. In the

In the suceeding Years she likewise pay’d some blessed Visits to the Choir Houses of the Sing: Sister at Neusalz & Gnadenfrey; Excepting these Excursions, her dear Choir in Hhut had her in their midst these 16 years uninterruptedly, & enjoyed her faithful Motherly Care in a manner, as is beyond all description, and as it never can be forgotten by us. At the same time the Prosperity of the whole Bretherns Unity, of the Congregation here, & especially of all the Single Sisters Choirs lay so near her heart, that in her Prayer She not only frequently was recomending them to our Lord, but also assiduously studied what might be conducive to the executing of his Counsel of Grace. In the Congregation Conferences also she communicated her Ideas and Sentiments according to that Insight, which our Saviour had given her into his Cause. These many years she had a very troubelsome Cough, occasioned by catching cold, which continued increasing from year to year, and on account of which her strength was impairing. However she discharged her Office always with uncommon Clearness, thinking little on her bodily Weakness; at the same time the tender longing of the heart to be soon with that Friend, with whom she was so intimately connected, was increasing more & more, on account of which our Saviour himself had to pacify her Soul, and to grant her Patience. Upon this head the frequently expressed herself in a moving manner, both in writing & by word of mouth. In a letter, which she had written already three years ago to her own Sisters, She says among other things “I perceive that I soon shall depart to my dear Saviour; for not only bodily strength is wasting fast; but I feel fast an extraordinary longing desire in my Soul to be at home with the Lord, and this is accompanied with this lively & joyful home Amen, I shall have the Grace, soon to see my Jesus Face!” Whenever in her hearty & familiar Conversation, by which the heart

always could profit and be benefited, she happened to light on the subject of going home, and of the Church made perfect; She was quite in her Element and cheerfully recollected those dear hearts that were gone thither before her, especially the late dear Disciple and Sr Caritas Ebbing. At the beginning of this Year she gave plainly to understand that she was pretty sure, that it would be the last of her Life. Her Weakness was percept- ibly increasing & She declined using any means as those which she hither to had used proved to be without effect. But during this sickness the faithful Physician of her Soul was in a quite peculiar manner occupied with her heart, concerning which the expressed herself to an intimate Friend of hers “to the following purport, I am at present In a very important Season; our Saviour is Schooling me, and wants to discover still to me the least Dust that in me is not well pleasing to him. I have been minutely considering my whole Course of Life and found, that our Saviour indeed has bestowed upon me abundance of Grace & Mercy but that I by far have not made such use of it as I might have done; I am ashamed at my In- dolence & Negligence in discharging that precious Trust commited to me by our Saviour, out of mere Grace; and especially also on this account that I have not always received his Love, quite slowly melted & Worm like. In the light of his Wounds he has discovered to me still many a selfishness, which his Blood must cleanse me from; therefore I am craving from the bottom of my heart, to receive once more a thorrough Absolution from our Saviour”. When the blessed Passion Week was beginning and she was no more able to go out; She wished that in this view the

Pedilaviam might be administred to her in her room; which accordingly was done the night before Maunday Thursday after she once more has a tender Sinnerlike hearts Conversation accompanied with many Fears, and during a sensation of our Saviours most intimate Near- ness; concerning which the afterwards declared that our Saviour upon this occasion impressed once more his Seal upon her as his happy redeemed Sinner. May the 4th. She enjoyed the body & blood of our Lord once more in fellowship with her Choir. May the 22d she celebrated her birth- day very weak indeed, however cheerful like a child, and was particularly happy on account of the fine Watch Word an that day: They shall not hunger, nor thirst; neither shall the heat nor sun smite them; for he that hath Mercy on them shall lead them, even by the Springs of water shall he guide them Is 49.10. Were the Seraphs shine most bright Singing in eternal light, Holy Holy Holy! God, Father, Son, & Spirit good! And when at night it was charmingly Sung by the Sisters in the Passage before her room, and accompanied with delightful Music, she Stept out and let her voice be heard for the last time in her Choir, with singing some Verses, which as her Farewell Blessing the Sisters joined in with Devotion. June the 19th when she called to mind the happy Departure of the late Countess Zinzendorf, she stirred herself up out of her great Weakness, and kept the usual Conference with the Overseers of the rooms; upon which occasion the had a very impressive and sinnerlike Conversation with that Company, & charged the Sisters to render Thanks to our Saviour, and to be

joyful in fellowship with her for her important Lot. Her Farewell Words then were; “We abide unseperated I go to our Saviour to see him bodily and ye, my dear Sisters, continue tho’ not seeing to cleave quite close to him, till one after the other shall follow me.” When in the succeeding Weeks the dear Brethern & Sisters of the the U. E. Con:nec and so many other dear Acquaintances from other Congregations arrived here, and upon this occasion came to see our dear Louisel, She rejoiced heartily to see them once more and expressed her Love very feelingly. She took still Special share in the Synod of the Bretherns Unity, and secretly & diligently blessed this Assimbly in her heart. Tho’ her Cough and her great Weakness seemed to prove more & more troublesome to her yet she made no complaints on that account; but was at always thankful, that our Saviour made everything bearable to her, and her time pass away swiftly. Sometimes she broke out in the Words, “Ah! The the delightful living Hope of eternal Life which renders one superior to all difficulties, and to every fear, which upon this occasion so easily shews itself in human nature.” She looked upon this likewise as a special Blessing, that she was not confined to her bed. Aug 22d. She perceived that her Cough changed, on account of which she clapp’d her hands for Joy. In the following days the swelling in her Legs increased more & more, and contrary to her custom hitherto she had sleepless Nights during which the prayed a great deal to our Saviour. As soon as she entered upon the

Last Week of the Month of Aug. viz. the 25th on a Sunday, she rejoiced uncommonly & wanted every body to rejoice with her, being confident that it was the last Week of her Life. Since that day she had scarce any rest, till on the 27th when at Noon a great Change was observed in her. From that time she lay very quiet like in a slumber, and only now & then uttered a few Words. But her amicable looks continually testified to those that were standing round about her, how tenderly she loved, tho’ at the same time it was painful to behold her sufferings. In the Evening half after an hour after 9 o’Clock that by her so fervently wished for Moment came when her happy Soul, reconciled by the Blood of Jesus and pervaded by his Love, was carried home into his Arms to rest forever at his Wounds. Thus with the Blessing of the Congregation, and of her Choir she entered happily into the Joy of her Lord, during a feeling, tho’ painful on account of her Departure, yet thro’ the Peace of our Lord inly blessed & happy, when at the same time we received the comfortable Assurance, that her Blessing will rest upon us, and that our dear Lord will cause her faithful Labour to be productive of fruit, To his own glory. May He grant us the Grace to follow her beautiful Example, till we be also completed.