Memorandum of my course of life The Lord hath done great things for me
what to his precise each blood drop
widow of Thos Harsley? + Bradford, Wilts within me were followed always

My Maiden name was Craddock I was born in Bristol

My Fathers name was Ebenezer Craddock April 17 1745 Old Stile and was Baptized in the Church of England
My Father first was Clerk to the Chamberlain of the City. I had one Brother
a year younger than myself at the Age of Seven years I lost my Father
who died of a Fever not having the use of his sences senses to the last my Mother
had been aflicted afflicted with Connclsion? Fils? for years and unable to take care
of her family. her Grief for the loss of my Father increasd her disorder
which terminated in a Consumption. She went happily home calling upon
Our Lord Jesus Christ to take care of her dear Children. My Grandmother
who lived with us brought us up in a very strict legal, way we had
an Esate Estate of 50 Pounds a year but it was in Houses and Life land
by an Aunt’s Rersvations I was sent to Boarding School for a year
here I got such a love for the World that my home seemed like a Prison
to me – I was then placed with my Grandmothers Sis.tr who was just as
religious as herself but I made my escape like a Bird out of a Cage
My Brother was pot Apprentice to an Engraver. I wanted to be a
Millener but this my Grand.m would not suffer lest I should be
seduced by the men – this I could not comprehend, having very high
Notion of my sisters? inclinations, upon this I would learn Nothing
and went to live with a young Woman whose Parents were not so
Strict – and who was just of my own way of thinking – this grievd
her so much that she gave up the Estate to my Brothers management
tho with a strict charge for it to be divided between us as my Father
died without a Will – I went on with a full resolution to enjoy
the World & took great delight in Reading Novels and Plays
and seeing them acted my Br. indulged his inclinations also
but restrain me in some degree by refusing to give me money
except when he thought proper – I was at times reduced to the
greatest extremity and would pray most earnestly to God
Almighty and promise how good I would be if he would help me
I got work at my Needle of various sort, but my Trouble often
returned for I could not bear to be in debt being in a poor
State of Healthy my Br. advised me to go and live Near Bath
with some Acquaintance of my late Father promising to pay
for my Board, this I did but he forgot his promise so I was
obliged to leave them and lived in Bath as a Ladys Maid
by this means I got acquainted with Tho! Startten who
lived as Butler in a Nobleman’s family – he was the only Man
I ever liked my liking went so far that I was several times
off my Guard and it was a Miracle that I was kept from
from actual pollution, I felt at those times as tho I was in
the Presence of some Awfull Awful Being who would not suffer him
to touch me – My Br. being very ill of a Fever I was sent for
He was quite sencless senseless and died the next day – at his Decease
two thirds of the Estate fell to the City for want of renewing
the lives – part of the remainder I sold to pay his debt tho he was
not quite of Age – at this time I grew very thoughtfull thoughtful leaving
my Br. was lost and that I should be so two … to pass it of I went
to London from thence to Southampton and various other places but
the uneasyness uneasiness of my heart followed me everywhere … I grew sick
and tired of the World and of every thing I used to delight in
I returnd to Bristol for soon all my Gay companions went to
??? live by myself and was resolvd to try if there was any
happiness to be found in Religion – went constantly to Church &
I kept a School for children for my Support as I had but one small
House left which brought me in but 4 Pounds a year. the remainder
I had spent.. and now my whole life was painted before my eyes –
every fault I had commited committed in the strongest colours .. my outward
affairs seemd very bad, as my School did not answer my expectation
But that text came strongly into my mind – Seek ye first the
kingdom of God and his Righteousness and all these things shall
be added into you – I was now effectually Awakend from the sleep
of Death seeing myself a poor last undone creature without a Sav.r
what brought me to the brink of Despair was I felt what I had
been ashamd of had despisd and even hated the Lord Jesus
who had bought me with his Blood – how then could I love
to appear at his Judgment seat, and he might call me hence in
a moment – – these words at times gave me a ray of hope – – –
the Wages of Sin is death. But the gift of God is Eternal Life
thro Jesus Christ our Lord – but my distress returnd again
with a greater force – one day as I was in my Appartment Apartment
quite alone in such Anguish of mind as no words can express – –
it came into my mind. Believe of the Lord Jesus Christ
and thou shalt be saved _ I cried out, Lord what is believing
O save one save me – – at that moment Our Sav.r stood before
my heart in his Crucified form. I fell at his feet – – and when
I arose found all my load of guilt was gone. I could now believe
and not till now that Jesus Christ was God overall Blessed
for evermore and my Sav.r – – my Soul was full of Life, Light
and Love – – the Scriptures of truth which before was seald up
was now open to my viens veins . . and wondered at my former blindness
When I read the Sufferings of our Sav.r my heart burnd with love
to Him, and thought I could suffer the most cruel Death
for
for the name of Jesus [page is cut off]
attempted before, tho I was confirmed & the Bishop at the age of [cut off]
this was in the year 1773 . . on Easter Sunday early I waked from
a Dream I had of being in Heaven where I saw in letters of Gold
the Resurrection of Jesus Christ and believd there was a people on
earth assembled at this very moment to sing the Praises of the Lovd
and that I should once belong to them . . I went on my way rejoicing
thinking my heart was quite clean – but to my great surprise found
evill evil thoughts arise in my mind – – and that [?]ovd of Scripture occurd
often — Take heed lest there be in any of you an Evill Evil heart of unbelief
in departing from the living God – this caused me great perplexity
for instead of submiting submitting to the teachings of the Holy Spirit – I was
like a froward[?] child who thought I could non go alone and fell . . .
I got into reasonings about the Holy Trinity and abundance of things
untill until I was quite confusd . . I still corresponded with Tho! Slarttyr
who had been in London and Hampshire with the same family
He beged begged my pardon for his misbheaviour some years ago and
intreated me to marry him saying he had saved 300 Pounds in his
Service. I wrote him an account of my awakening and imagined by his
answer that a work of grace was begun in his heart – my Aunt died
soon afer after and left me 270 Pounds besides valuable – – I now conceivd
the proud vain hope of converting him to our Sav.r and with this view
gave my consent . . tho it often occurd to my mind Be ye not unequally
Yoked[?] with unbelievers and other text of Scripture which was
in certainly Admonitions from the Holy Spirit . . I also dreamd
I saw a Man stand with his Back towards me in a Garment
of a Blood colour. . in his hand he held a ring which he threw
into the sky I saw it turn into 2 bright stars with a singall single snau[???]
between . . while I was looking a voice said to me you will
be maried married – but soon separated – – the small star signifies a child
the man who stands there is Our Lord Jesus Christ – – –
his comming coming to Bristol left me no time to think . . we were
maried married the first of June 1775 and went to live at Bradford
in Wiltshire entering into the breiving Cruyness[?] – – – and Now
instead of the happiness I had expected my Sav.r hid his Trace
from me I met with nothing but afflication – I was brought to
to bed of a little girl in March 1776 who died at eleven weeks old
and Feb.r 1 1777 became a truly disconsolate Widow – – for tho my
Savr at the moment of my Husbands departure took me as it were
in his Arms and promisd to be my Everlasting Husband. . Yet
I had lost that tender constant communion with him which I
had before I was maried married . . my Husbands relations perswaded persuaded
him to make a Will to their mind tho contrary to the dictatis
of
This own Conscience and no one taking to the Busyness Business I sold of with
great loss – so that when I had paid the legacy I had but 250
Pounds left – 200 of which would have been theirs if I had maried married again
I returnd to Bristol; and now the Holy Spirit labourd to convince
me that the cause of all my Sufferings was that I had left my first
Love often aplying applying the words which had been said the Church of old
But I still went on in a self righteous way for several years – –
At last the Lord turned and lookt upon me just as he did upon
Peter – – this look struck me to the heart I shed numberless tears for
my Care ingratitude I think it a great mercy being a person of Strong
Pasion Passion I did not attempt my own life, for now; thought I had sinnd
against the Holy Ghost, of course could never be forgiven, [??] acquaintance
Being my distress took me often to hear preaching – – but I could find no rest for the
sole of my foot – – once she askt me to go to the Moravian Chappel Chapel saying there
was a fine man there – having never heard of these people before I said what
are they – & dont know she said but I never heard the name of Jesus repeated
so often in my life – tho was just what I wanted – – but I would not go till
Easter Sunday – Br. Worthingtons text was the Lord is risen indeed
and hath appeard unto Simon – this was the first time I heard the pu[??]
Gospel preached – that full free salvation which I had felt in my own
heart formerly – my own case was described in that of Peter and a tall pardon
was held out to me in the Suffering and Death of my Dear Savr which were
painted in the most beautiful colours to my poor distressed heart – I attended
the preaching constantly till Jan 1783 and always with blising[?] but at
times my distress returned – and hearing Br W was ??ring to leave the city I went
to buy a hymn Book he ???? me several questions, in particular – if I lovd our
Lord Jesus Christ – this I could only answer with tears – next day I was as it were
compeld to go to him and open all my heart – his Wife was present he gave me
true Consolation in Christ Jesus and came to see me . . I felt such a union of Spirit
with these dear people that I could not rest till I asked then if it was
posible possible such a vice creature could be receivd into the congregation: they said it
I desivd it ,: might be receivd into the Society – by way of preparation – in time
our Sav.r might receive me into his congregation describing it in a beautifull beautiful light
I was recivd on the 9 of March and went to live with Br and Sis Mineard
soon after visited an old acquaintance – she was sadly afraid I should be sent
to a Widows house which she said was 300 miles distant – and intreated me to
be on my guard – this was news to having never heard there was such as house
she left the room – I saw in the window a piece of an old himn hymn, with these
lines which I never saw before nor since – Where thou determinst my abody
Cover there my choice shall be . for in thy presence death is life. And earth
is heaven with thee – I was sure this was the spot my Sav.r designed for me – –
when I went home our people said the place was calld Fulneck and gave me
an excelist Character of Sis.r Stedman I longd to be under her case believing
she would be a Mother to me – – this impression was removed to me when I read
the Brethrens history – I simply asked our Sav.r if I should write for Recepto
into the Cong.n or speak about the Choir house first. I felt him near my heart
and was directed to write and then to speak about Fulneck – – he also gave
me the power to do it – which I could not before tho I had attempted it
many times. Br. Sulger wrote to Br LaTrobe who came soon after and
gave me great encouragement . . the 13 of Nov.br following the opacious
Head and Colder of his Church, Receivd me into his Congregation
with a blesed blessed feeling of His Presence
Mary Startton