Course of Life of the Single Brother John Darnbrook, the first part of which he himself has wrote down, and the latter dictated.
I was born at Morley in the Parish of Battley June the 20th 1736. My first 13 years I lived with my parents, which took care to instruct me in what was religious, to the best of their knowledge, particularly my mother, whom I remember, when Mr. Ingham and other awakened men first began preaching, she went frequently to hear them, and a sermon of Mr. Whitefield’s being then published, she got it to read. I read the same, it treated so much of the sufferings of our Saviour, that if brought me into some concern about my salvation,
I was then about 5 years old and this was the first conviction I had, as much as I can remember, at the end of my 13th year. I was put an apprentice to a very religious man in the same town, a dissenter, in which way I had been brought up. Half a year afterwards, my father departed this life. This struck me pretty much of first, but I soon forgot it. The 3 first years of my apprenticeship I spent among young company as much as I could, and indeed in that time I got seduced to many bad things. One day, when I was at work by myself in the field, a sudden thought came into my mind that I must once die and appear before God to give an account of my life and I thought, if I died in that Condition, I certainly must go to hell. I immediately left off my work and went and knelt down under a Tree and prayed to God to forgive me. This was the first time I ever prayed, except such as the Lord’s prayer and others learned out of Books. From this time I began to be very religious. I read many religious Books and prayed 6 or 7 times a day, I entirely broke off from all my old companions, who despised me very much, but the religious people praised me greatly, and this made me very proud. But all this availed me nothing, all my reading, and praying brought no peace to my heart. I was a bound Slave to Satan, and when sin presented itself, I had no Power to resist. Sometimes I used to be a fortnight or 3 weeks without coming into any extraordinary great sin, this made me think, I had now
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made God amends. But I soon perhaps came to see the very prick of that sin, which I thought I had conquered. This made me think, God was displeased with me, and all my prayers and readings were of no signification, I must begin anew and be more watchful than I had been hitherto. But with all I could do, sin had the rule over me. I think I spent near 2 years in this miserable course.
At Easter in the year 1754 (as well as I can remember), I thought, I would go and hear the Moravians, though I had no liking for them because I believed them to be Roman Catholics. However, I went and heard Brother LaTrobe. To my great astonishment such a sermon I never had heard in all my life before, I thought directly, this is the true way to be saved. I went home, and what I had heard of the sufferings of Jesus, and how that salvation could be obtained no otherwise, than by his atonements, death and blood-shedding, this wrought much on my mind all the week following. When on Sunday I went again, I was so overcome, that I afterwards could not go anywhere else. I soon got acquainted with Brother Lorde, and got a great Love for him, but he soon after went from Fulneck. I was received into the Society, attended the preachings on Sunday constantly and was often so affected with what I had heard, that I many times on my way home retired into a wood near Tong and wept before our Saviour, that I might enjoy what I had heard. But I did not rightly prosper; for I had got something else in view besides my salvation. I had got an Intention to travel, and this engaged my mind pretty much, and I put this in execution, as soon as my Prenticeship was out.
There happened just at that time two persons who come from London to see their relations at Moreley, and I took the opportunity to go with them at their return. The one, being a married person, took me to her house, and it was my home, till I got a place which I did in ten days’ time, but it was very hard, so that I left it in 3 months and got another place, which I left in about the same time on account of some differences. I went to my first lodging and stayed there out of place till Doctor John Holstead returned from the West Indies, where he had been as surgeon of a ship. I visited him and told him, I should like to go to sea. He said, he would recommend me to Captain Hornsby bound for Greenland; if he has any place that would suit me (this captain was a person he himself had been with at Greenland, before he went to the West Indies).
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Accordingly, on his recommendation, the captain took me as his steward. I went on Board, but all things were very awkward, having never been on Board of a Ship before, and I knew no more about my office than a child, but I soon got to understand, that the chief mate was in that office the voyage before. So I made it my business to get acquainted with him (with a bottle or 2 of Rum, for he loves Liquor). He then told me everything, what I should do and what belonged to my office. Thus, I got into the way pretty well. He sailed from the river the latter end of March, and we were not long out at Sea, before I was sick and confined so for 15 Days. I thought many times, if I was on shore, they should be Sailors who would die for me, but when I got better, I came through pretty well, as I had no ship’s duty to do. It was a very cold, uncomfortable voyage for about 4 months. We returned very unsuccessful, having got no more than one fish; I got from the Ship as soon I could, weary enough of my first voyage.
A few weeks after, by accident, I went to the East India House and met with a captain who was a shipping people, I asked him if he wanted people? He said, he did and gave me an order to go on board. I immediately went on board and met with a company of very wicked, cursing and swearing sailors. However, we got ready and put to sea; about 2 months after our Ship’s company was seized by turns with a violent fever. I also fell sick, and it brought me very near my dissolution. While we were so sick, we hung altogether by ourselves. It was one of the most shocking times I have had in all my life. Most of them died cursing and swearing. They all at one time died that were sick and left me alone. I prayed heartily to our Saviour, that if He would spare me and bring me home again, I would be his and live for him. But when I got better I soon forgot all his goodness and went on a wicked course with the rest of the sailors, and I sometimes swore. But amidst all, I had many convictions, and I often could not sleep, but wept in my hammock on account of the course I had entered into. When we came to a port, there was generally nothing seen but wickedness. I remember there were some times that I was grieved in myself, as I could not be so bold in wickedness, as the rest of my company, and when I thought, that I would be so wicked as they, I generally had such convictions, that I could not do like them. We had a good voyage but with regard to externals, we had it hard sometimes, and were about 6 months without bread living on rice. On account of the Length of the voyage, we also
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were obliged to take in old stores in the East Indies which were very bad and rusty through and through. But after 2 years and 3 months we arrived at Spithead; and there I made myself sick to spare myself from the press. When the people were all pressed, I got on shore and came by so force. I lived there with my friends till the ship was paid off. And then according to my resolution of going to sea no more, I began to look for a place where I could earn my bread and by the help of a friend I got a good one in Cheapside, where I lived very agreeably 6 months and I found they had great confidence towards me.
But the ship beginning to be fitted out again, where I had sailed with before, it made me very unsettled in my mind and I got a desire to go to Sea again. But I did not know what excuse to make, to get away from the place, as had no fault to find with anything I had recourse to stratagem. I ordered one of my companions, that he should come dressed like an officer of a man of war, and inquire for me, that it might appear as if he had an Intention to press me. I ordered it so that he should come at an exact hour, in order that I might be out of the way. Accordingly, he came. As soon as he was gone, then my Master called me and told me, that he was afraid, the officer would return again. I told him, I was under some apprehension of being pressed. He desired that I would get ready, and should go away and not be pressed, if possible. When he settled with me about my Wages, he gave me 12 guineas more than was due to me by which means I came away with many good wishes. Yet I was condemned for acting so unuprightly, besides that, I had left my place and did not know whether I could get voyage or not to the East Indies. I went to the India House and spoke to Captain Wilson, with whom had been before, and desired him to recommend me as mid-shipman to Captain Jackson, that was to succeed him. He was very friendly & promised that he would do it. And he was as good as his words. I then began to get ready suitable for that station, as well as I could. And when I had got my necessaries I had not much money to spare, to trade with. A gentlewoman, that wanted some things from the East Indies, advanced me 6 Guineas in hand, which I laid out in such merchandises, as I thought, would suit the best in India. He soon got ready. I had a very prosperous voyage from England to Madras in 4 months, where I disposed of my effects to good Advantage. I then bought such commodities, which I thought would suit for China which likewise turned out to
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good advantage and what money I had, I laid out in China-goods and it would of brought them home. After 18 months we arrived again at Plymouth where I escaped the pressing and came by land to London (when the ship got round to London, I found that I had 10 pounds to receive for goods that a person had disposed of in the Passage). I afterwards went on board from day to day and sometimes sold from board and brought on shore till got off all my effects. I found myself worth a considerable sum of money. That made me think of no other way of life, than seafaring life. After I had settled all my affairs with the ship for that voyage, I paid a visit to Yorkshire, to see my mother where I went on Sunday to Fulneck, and was so laid hold of in the preaching that I had gladly staid, if I had known, how I should got my living. In about 5 weeks I returned to London, where I went to see about the ship, and found, it would be some months before she would be fitted out again. I waited the time, but then some objections arose between the captain and me, and I resolved positively, that I would go to Sea no more. I acquainted my friends with my resolution and advised with them, what I should take to? I had then spent all my money. They agreed to advance me 30 pounds, that I could procure me a little Shop, for which I had to give them Bond and Judgment. We soon met with a little Shop, in which I entered. Soon afterwards I was arrested by a person, that I owed 40 shillings to, and went to the Sponging House, where I wrote a Letter to my friend and told him my circumstances. He went directly and put the bond and judgement in force, and took all I had and came to me next morning and paid the money, for which I was arrested, and set me at Liberty. I had now no home but went sometimes to one friend’s House, and sometimes to another, where I had been formerly acquainted. But this I could not do very long, and it came so far, that I suffered till to the Bareness of life. One day I met in the street one of the family, that I had the money from. He invited me to go to their house, and they were hearty and friendly with me, and seemed to pity my circumstances, I served in their Shop a few weeks, and then they hired me as a yearly servant. I lived there very agreeably, and some years ago, they did write to me to Fulneck, that I should come again and live with them. After some time I called at a barber’s shop to get shaved pretty late in the evening; while I sat there, I thought I
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was going to die. I got up and said, I was very bad; but nobody gave me any answer. I stood at the Door, till somebody, who was before me, was shaved; then I got in and was shaved, I went home very heavy and told our people, I was not well. They advised me to get some supper, which might help me, I went to bed and in the morning still found myself the same. I began to reflect on my present state, for I had not minded religion for a long time; I thought, it was a punishment from God for my bad course. Accordingly, to make amends, I thought, I would go once on Sunday to some place of worship; but the other part of the Sunday I would walk about a take my pleasure, as I had done before, I want on so for some time, but it did not help me. Then I thought, I would go both the forenoon and afternoon to worship, yet still I found no ease. I began to be so terrified, that I thought, I should be in Hell every moment. When I had a Pen in my hand to write a bill of parcel, I flung it away when I had done with it, and thought, I should be in hell, before I should want it any more. When I went out, I often thought, I should drop down dead in the street. It came so far, that my appetite left me and I could get no sleep. I used to awake in Frights and get up. I read some times in the Bible, but I thought every word seemed a sentence against me; I thought, I had sinned against the Holy Ghost; therefore I had nothing to expect but hell and judgement. I was in that distress in more than 2 months. One Sunday I went to Fetter Lane Chapel. When I heard some courses of lives similar to my own, it gave me great hopes, when I heard how they were redeemed by the blood and wounds of Jesus, I went home full of hope, that I should soon be released. Next Day in the Forenoon, when I was going through a narrow passage near Spitalfields Church, it came into my mind, that there was mercy in Jesus for every believing Soul. In that moment I believed, and the love of God was spread abroad in my heart. I saw Jesus in his crucified form quite clear, who had redeemed me from all my sins. I don’t know, how I afterwards got home. Everybody was dear to me. I loved everyone. I would gladly have imparted unto them of what I enjoyed. I went on in that enjoyment for some time and thought since I was come to the knowledge of our Saviour, that I should no more feel the depravity of my own sinful nature, but I found my sinful nature still, and was obliged to apply to our Saviour for his grace to preserve me, which he did from time to time.
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I began to have a longing desire, to become acquainted with the Brethren, as I believed, they were the only people, which I belonged to. Accordingly I began to go frequently on Sundays to Fetter Lane. I went so long, till Brother Brodersen took notice of me in the preaching and made it out with one of the Single Brethren, that he should speak with me at the first opportunity. Accordingly, he bid me a good day after the preaching and asked me where I was a going? I told him I was a going towards Bishopsgate Street. He said he was a going that way too and desired my company. He said, he had observed, that I frequented their preachings for some time, and inquired, if I knew anything about the Brethren and I told him, yes. I knew the Brethren in Fulneck and I knew Brother Brodersen too, and had spoken with him formerly. I told him, I had often fixed a Day, that I would go and speak with him again. He asked, if I should rule to speak with him, and if it would suit me that time, if I had an opportunity for it? I answered: yes, I had no objection to it. So we turned back both together and went to Roll’s Buildings. As soon as we got into the House, we met Brother Brodersen in the Passage, and he took me into his room, and we had some pretty conversation together. The Choir Liturgy was going to begin, and he gave one leave to be at it. I was so melted, that I wept all the time, often spending some part of the evening with the Single Brethren. I returned home very thankful for the kind reception that I met with. From that time, I went every Sunday to the Single Brethren, which was the chief opportunity that I had. Some time after, I petitioned for reception into the Congregation, which blessing was granted me on January the 13th 1766. I entered into a covenant that time with our Saviour to be his forever. I spent my time for the most part in a very happy track of grace, considering my situation, wherein I was, and I had many near visits of our Saviour, which made my time very pleasant. Though I felt naturally my depraved human nature, but I applied to him and got preserved. When dear Abraham returned from the Provincial Synod at Fulneck, he acquainted me that they had made it out in a conference that if I did accept of it, I should go to Fulneck and be employed in the congregation shop. I told him I had no choice in it, I would go anywhere. Accordingly, as soon as I could make things suitable, I left my place and set out from London February the 17th 1766 and arrived at Fulneck the 22nd of the same month to my great joy. Thus far his own words. By dictating his course of life, he often said, I thought there was some
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thing in the world, which I must experience, but I found, there was nothing but phantom. How often have I thought of Fulneck and wished me to be there, when I was uneasy, which was very often.
His course here was solid, he served faithfully in the shop and was legitimated among Brethren and strangers. His connection and converse with our dear Saviour was real, but in stillness. He was admitted here to the holy sacrament May the 23rd, 1767, which was a real grace to Him. And as often as he fed afterwards with the congregation on the body and blood of Jesus in the holy sacrament, he enjoyed it as a poor sinner who thought himself very unworthy of this great grace, but felt at the same time that he stood very much in Need of it, and that he could not do without. And so, he always got new strength and life out of the wounds of Jesus. When he was spoken with previous to the holy sacrament he was not of many words, but one perceived clearly, that his heart did live in the sufferings of Jesus. All the meetings he enjoyed both in the congregation and his Choir proved a blessing to him; the Doctrinal Day we had last November, was very blessed to him, and he afterwards told, that he enjoyed a particular nearness of our Saviour at the cup of covenant. Last year he was made a candidate for the East Indies, which he accepted of: for he was very willing to serve our Saviour, wheresoever his service should require it, though on account of his weakly constitution he had but little hopes to be of any use in the service of our Saviour among the heathen. That time he came among the intercessors, which was very weighty to him. But our Saviour, who was pleased with his willingness to serve him, had other thoughts about him. He grew weaker from time to time, and in the beginning of December he was obliged to move into the sick room. First we did not think that he would go home of this opportunity, but he soon thought so and was quite set upon going home. Here he had a sabbatical time in the nearness and converse with our Saviour though; it was a school-time for him too, in which he had to learn many lessons and to speak thoroughly with our dear Saviour about many things. Once he said: though our Saviour has had so great a mercy upon me, yet I feel myself often so indifferent towards Him, which is the greatest pain, I have in the sick room; at which he wept very much. But he soon was comforted again and cheered by a gracious Look of our Saviour. He himself dictated his course of life to Brother Martens, and when he had done therewith, to which was last Friday, he made haste to meet his eternal Bridegroom. He had it very easy in his sickness: the day before his going home he once complained, saying: dear Saviour! it is too hard for me; but he soon got it easier. He was present to himself to the last moment, when the blessings of his Choir and the congregation was imparted unto him during a sweet feeling of our Saviour nears, and soon after his Soul departed into the arms and bosom of Jesus, last Tuesday about 7 o’clock in the morning, viz. February the 6th, 1770 in the 34th year of his age.
Praise to thee, our God, be brought for this sinner redeemed with thy blood.