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Gd Life I. Holmes of the widow Sr. Elizabeth Grundy, late Alvid, who departed this life at Bayldon in Yorkshire, May the 9th 1799. She has dictated the following account of her life to her son, our Br. James Grundy:

I was born February 6. 1717. near Chowbent in the parish of Leigh in Lancashire, and brought up in the Presbyterian persuasion. My parents were very pious, and educated their children with great strictness. I was the youngest of their daughters. Whenever I did any thing amiss, my mother used to preach the Law to me, which made me look upon God as an angry Being. In my 8th year that I had the following dream: I dreamed it was the day of judgment, and I saw an innumerable multitude around me. I wished to see our Savior but was afraid of being seen by him; however, as I thought, I moved forward, and thrust myself between two persons to have a sight of him. This I had no sooner done than he turned to me, as he was sitting at a table, and smiled. Hereby I was so much encouraged, that I went strait up to him, and now I saw two books lying before

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him. One of them he opened, which I took to be the book of life, as it appeared written with blood. Upon this I awoke, but the dream left an impression upon my mind, that our Savior was very loving however, I left it again by having the law preached to me. Thus I spent my years of childhood like most others. I wanted to be good, but could not. Still I depended much on being born of religious parents, as being the seed of the righteous, upon which the Presbyterians of that day laid great stress. My father dying in my 12th year, my mother was left to care for our education, and to provide for our maintenance. The latter she did by keeping a school, and the former she performed in the strictest manner, and she sometimes corrected us very sharply, as she took Solomon’s words for her rank: “He that spareth the rod, hateth his son ‘_’ Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Before my fathers death I had a fever, which, with occasional intermissions, lasted 18 weeks, but I always thought I should recover. When I was 14 years old I went to nurse a child of a relation; and going on to see my mother our Savior drew me in to my heart on the road:

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and in my prayer I addressed him as the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. It came into my mind to make a covenant with him, and then being some stones in the place, I took them for a witness of it. But I soon broke this covenant, for getting into company I lived like others, yet my conscience always condemned me. Thus I formed good resolutions and as often broke them again; still the Lord pursued me with infinite patience. In my 22nd year I commenced school keeping under the inspection of the Revd. Mr. Valentine, a Presbyterian Minister. He being an Arian, tho not of the worst soul, I imbibed some of his principles. I argued with my mother about Predestination, and their great show of religion; and told her, among the rest, that thou who held that doctrine were hypocrites. This made her examine herself, as she told me of on her deathbed, thanking me for it and declaring that she had found my observation true with regard to herself. During her last illness she felt great condemnation, all her sins appearing to her view, which made her turn to our Savior and cry out: “Dear Savior, where is thy precious blood, that blood which thou did

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shed to cleanse me from my sins?” Scarce had she uttered this ejaculation, when our Savior appeared to the eye of her faith, in his bleeding attitude, which the soldier opened his side with the spear, and she felt as it were his blood trickling upon her heart. Now she was enabled to rejoin in God our Savior. Shortly before her end she said: “Come, Lord Jesus, come quickly,” and then fell asleep in Jesus with a lovely smile upon her countenance. Her happy departure made so deep an impression upon me that I could never forget it, at the same time begetting a strong desire within me, to profess real religion; but to this the vanities of the world proved a great hindrance. Nevertheless, my mind was strongly convicted of my folly; one night in particular, while at a dance, I was so terrified, that I was obliged to withdraw, being struck with the reflection, what would become of me, if I should be cut off in that state. Another time I was so alarmed at my situation that I went to the above mentioned minister after midnight and called him up; but he told me that I had nothing to fear, as I had always been a good woman, and that God was merciful and would not mark iniquity so strictly.

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Thus I was rightly served for having applied to him instead of our Savior. I expected he would have put me in the way of doing something whereby to merit heaven; but instead of this, he addressed me to put it off by going into cheerful company, lest I should grow melancholy. I foolishly took his advice, endeavoring to shake off conviction as much as possible. In this way I proceeded till I was married, and even after that, for a while, followed the fashions of the world. But, my husband, being a religious member of the church of England, protested against that mode of living. His Minister being an unawakened man and performing divine service only in the morning, we went in the afternoon to a Baptist chapel. Under a sermon in that place on the words: “Almost thou persuadest me to be a Christian,” we were both so affected that we wept, which the Minister showed, how far a person may go, and yet be only almost a Christian. We continued to hear him till the birth of my first child, when he wanted to persuade us not to have it baptized, to which my husband would by no means agree. My husband read frequently in the New Testament and when he closed the book, used to say : “I

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thank God for Paul’s Epistles; but this didn’t suit my taste at that time, for I would rather read of Goliath, Lampoon, Joseph, his brethren on of battles; however he continued reading Paul’s Epistles, without minding me. My husband being an officer in the exercise his duty was frequently too hard for him, so that he was often ailing. In January 1749. he was taken seriously ill, and said, that he should like to depart, adding, “thou am happy, who can soon leave the world in peace.” I complained that he had lost his regard for me, but he assured me, that his love for me was not decreased; but he saw nothing in this world worth existing to stay in it for. I then asked him, ‘whether he was first to leave?’ He replied, “All my fitness is what Jesus Christ did for me on the cross.” This I did not then understand. In that state of heart he departed, which was accompanied with such a happy feeling, as filled me with astonishment. His death took place Feb. 22, 1748. In the 29th year of his age. After his Departure, these words: “I will be a husband to the widow, and a father to the fatherless”, were impressed upon my mind; yet

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I was full of disbelief and durst not say, “thy will be done.” Thus I was left with out house or home, having one child, called William, and far advanced in pregnancy with another. I soon set off for my native place, which was 200 miles distant, and travelled on foot nine days, in frost and snow. On the arrival at the home of one of my sisters, my husband’s father sent for me and took me into his family. Here I was in about three weeks brought to bed of my son, James, with whom I now live, and who is a member of the Brethren’s church and one of their preachers. After the birth of my son, considering that he had now no father to care for him, it was as tho’ our Savior stood at my bed side and comforted me. I laid my hand on the child’s head and devoted him to the Lord and his service and to be entirely his. This was accompanied with the deepest sensation I had ever had of the presence of Jesus, and yet it was as if he said to me, “Thou dost not know me yet.” Indeed I did not know him, even by the name of Jesus, but only as the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob; and when I prayed to him, by that latter name, which I did again and again, I found no comfort; but

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at last, it was impressed on my mind to call when Jesus, which I did, saying, “Lord Jesus have mercy upon me!” No sooner had I called upon him by that name, than my condemnation was all taken away, and I rejoiced wondering at there at the same time, that I had read my Bible so often, and had never called upon Jesus before. Now thou words came into my mind, “He shall be called Jesus, for he shall save his people from their sins,” and I rejoiced in God my Savior. This impression was so deeply fixed in my heart, that when retiring to rest, I always looked to him in spirit as hanging up on the cross. For sometime past, I had been concerned for my salvation, and now I felt delirious to be connected with a people of God. In this view I went to hear the Methodists, looking upon them as a people of God. I read Mr. Whitfield’s Sermons and heard several of Mr. Wesley’s preachers. I joined the Methodists, and with great zeal frequented their meetings tho I had sometimes to walk four miles in the dark. But by and bye, observing how they differed among themselves about points of doctrine, I left them, thinking they were not a people of God.

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because they were not of one heart and mind. About this time I heard of the Brethren, getting my first impressions of them by means of their hymn book of which I was very fond, especially of that hymn: “O tell me no more of this world’s vain store; The time for such trifles with me now is o’er.” I wished much to know, where to find thou people, who had published these hymns. At length I learned that they had a chapel in Duckenfield, and that they were expected soon to preach at a home in Thackerley, a mile  distant from where I live. I waited with impatience for the day of the preaching. I went thither and heard Br. Greening with the greatest pleasure and satisfaction and spent the whole day in his company. Indeed I received him as another Apostle Paul. Immediately thought, “this people shall be my people, their God my God, with them. I will live and die and be buried;” and of this resolution I never repented. Thus was fulfilled what my dear late mother said to me, shortly before her departure for calling me alone to her bedside she said: “I have waited with our Savior, and was

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assured that thou shall be his and belong to a people of God, but what people and where and when I cannot tell; but it will not be yet; After this Mr. Valentine, the above mentioned Arian Minister, told me, I had changed for the worse by joining the Brethren. I sent him the Nine Discourses on Christ’s Divinity, by Count Zinzendorf; but they did not please him. Soon after he fell sick; I felt great concern for him and went often to converse with him. Whenever I mentioned anything about the Discourses I sent him, he was out of patience and desired me to visit him no more; nevertheless, I told him, that I was concerned for him and should call again to see him. However I stayed away for sometime, but hearing that he grew very weak, I resolved to visit him again, as I felt very anxious about his happiness. Coming to his home I was informed by his daughter, that he ordered her to suffer none to come to him, not even his own children. I therefore sent my love to him, with an inquiry after his health. This being delivered, he desired his daughter to send me to him, as he wished to see me. When I came to his bed side, he put out his hands to me, and appeared like an affectionate, loving child, and said “We have had many arguments, but

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now I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior.” I replied. “He is a Savior to them that believe.” To this he answered: “I do believe, and I have no merit of my own; but trust alone in my Savior’s death and merits. There is something to go thro’ in death, but the prophet beyond it is bright; but I cannot say much, I was very weak.” We then took a tender leave of each other, and soon after he departed in peace. My oldest son, William, died the same year, after a long illness. Shortly before his departure, being very sensible of his approaching dissolution, he called on to his bed, expressed his desire to go to Jesus, bade each other farewell, and closed his eyes and fell happily asleep in the Lord, in the 7th year of his age. In 1755 a congregation of the Brethren was settled at Duckenfield, at which solemnity I was present and my heart was opened like that of Lydia. From that time connection with the church of the Brethren became very weighty to me and has remained so ever since, one which account I was the more greived at not being received a member of them; this favour was, however, granted me the year following. At Thackerley, I opened a little shop for my maintenance and had a good prospect of doing well; but feeling my heart in danger of being drawn

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away by worldly prosperity, and being afraid of losing by any means that happiness, which was then and has been ever since of the last importance to me, I gave up shopkeeping in the midst of prosperity, and these words of our Savior followed me continually, “What shall it profit a man, tho’ he gains the whole world and loves his own soul.” And I think it would be well for many, even members of the Brethren church, of this was duly considered. I can say with truth, that from that day to this, our Savior, and fellowship with his people have been more important to me than anything else in the world.

In August 1756. I moved to Duckenfield, as a member of that congregation. Here I found it very difficult to come thro’. I had not only to go twenty miles for the work, by which I earned a livelihood, but the necessaries of life, particularly bread ran to double the price, they had been sold for a little before. Yet I never repented of having moved hither, but was content and happy with a small portion of very mean, fare; and my son, who was now nine years old, was the same. Our Savior abundantly blessed us internally, and we spent our time, while at work, with singing of Him and his sufferings, being enabled to take our refuge to him in all our circumstances.

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When things were at the worst we would sing: “As small birds use – a hole to churn In hollow trees for cover, When whirlwinds blow – when hail and snow O’er man and beast do hover: So I to then, Lord Christ, do flee, Within thy wounds retired; When sin and death – did stop my breath, Here I again respired.” This time was indeed a blessed period. In January 1758. I had the favour to partake of the H.C. for the first time in the Brethren church. I felt so unworthy of it, that I hardly durst venture; “Heav’nly joy and holy trembling I felt in me past dissembling.” This divine repast proved a great blessing to me. Hitherto I had been in a certain rapturous way, which in some measure was then more looked for, than a sinners’ believing reliance on the all sufficient merit and atonement of Christ. I had made a firm covenant with our Savior to be his in all circumstances, both adverse and prosperous, not questioning but I could stand any trial, for I felt, that he had possession of my heart, and I had an assurance that he would safely lead me. Not withstand

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ing this I had soon after a severe trial, which was augmented by my want of self knowledge. Falling sick and feeling myself very poor, and full of unbelief, I began to question the love of our Savior, thinking, if the Lord be with me, why am I thus? Hitherto I had imagined that believers had a fund of support within themselves, so that I thought, it was inconsistent with a child of God to have any doubts and fears. Thus I was so confounded as to be almost driven to despair, and because like a shipwrecked mariner, thrown at once from the pleasing prosperity of the promised land upon a desolate rock, where nothing appeared but horror & devastation. The gloom, which had thus overspread me, continued a good while, and tho’ I had frequent visits from our Savior, still I could not regain my cheerfulness, for I had not yet learned to cleave daily by faith as a needy sinner to Jesus. Indeed this point was not then so well understood by some of us, as it has been since; for it was expected that a child of God should be cheerful and happy without any interruption, and this idea afforded me sufficient cause for self condemnation. But since then I have learned to know more of the privilege, enjoyed by a believer, of turning with all his sinfulness, to our Savior and finding

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in him a present help in time of need, which is an inexhaustible fund, where we may take grace for grace, and not look for it in any of our own attainments. Some time after I was appointed to begin a school for girls in Duckenfield, which gave me great confidence in our Savior, considering it as an answer to my prayer; for I was at times so full of unbelief, that I thought myself beneath his notice. I opened this school with eleven girls, children of some of the Brethren & Sisters, and continued it fifteen years. This was a happy period both for me and the children, several of the latter afterwards became members of the Congregation and likewise some of their parents. At length, not being able to procure a proper place for my school, and having to give up the hours I had hitherto occupied, I was, to my great grief, obliged to drop it. In consequence of various disagreeable occurrences, it appeared as if the time for my continuing the school was over. About this time my son, whom from his birth I had entirely devoted to our Savior, moved into the Single Brethren’s house in Duckenfield,

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in the year 1760, and in 1766. He went to Fulneck, This last removal went very near me, but I durst not stand in our Savior’s way, believing it would be for the best. Having lodged for sometime with a private family [at some distance] from Duckenfield, who behaved very well to me, I began to grow tired of having so far to go to the meeting. I therefore, sought leave to live in Fulneck, which I obtained. I went thither in 1778, and lodged as a visitor in the Widow’s house. Here I had to learn a new business, for the sake of earning a livelihood, which made it heavy to me in the beginning, and I was at times unhappy in my mind. But the chief reason of all my distress was, that I did not in every circumstance turn as a poor sinner to our Savior; He, however, at length, enabled me, confidently to come to him, as my unchangeable friend, who had always approved himself to me as my merciful Deliverer and Savior. I was much assisted at this time by the advice given me by a certain Brother, who with the tenderness of a father encouraged me, assuring me that I would gradually regain my wonted cheerfulness; and this I found verified. But what gave me comfort above all other things, in my greatest

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trials, was the imperfection that my Savior had died for me, and this, I trust will remain so unto the end. I say indeed from my inmost soul: “His death and passion ever, Till soul and body sever, Shall in my heart engraved remain.” This has been indelibly impressed upon my mind, ever since he first manifested himself to my soul as my Redeemer. In May 1780. my son received a call to begin a school and care for the Brethren’s Society in Bayldon. In consequence of this he married. My daughter in law growing consumptive after her first delivery, moved for her health to her parents in Huddersfield, where she departed this life, and the child soon followed her into eternity. I therefore went to live with my son in October 1781. and began a school for girls; and in this situation I have remained till now, when I live in daily expectation to be dismissed from all labour and sorrow, eternally to rest and rejoice in the presence of my God & Savior. In this place a new period in my life commenced, and I learned to know, more than ever, that I must lean on my Savior, and him only. It was clear to me that I had a call to Bayldon, and that I was in my proper place when teaching school; our Savior who often visited

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me and blessed my endeavors. I became more stripped of my self righteousness, and learned to rely more fully on the merit and faithfulness of Jesus, in all circumstances for which I can never thank him sufficiently. Nevertheless I now and then got into a way of self working, which caused me no small anxiety: but my all merciful Savior has helped me and been very gracious to me, amid it all my infirmities of soul and body. I have often been troubled with needless perplexities when reflecting on old age, and how I should get a maintenance in that case; for I was always afraid of being burdensome; which I have never been to anyone, not even when I had two children to support by my own hand-labour. But in this respect also the Lord has been better than my fears and put me to shame, by prospering my endeavors, so that I have more abundance now in my 83rd year, than I have had at any time, since I became a widow, which is 51 years: and I cannot but acknowledge it as a singular favor, that I am able, tho’ in much weakness, to teach children as well as ever in any part of my life; so that my old age has been signally favored with respect both to external and internals; for which I

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feel myself excited to the greatest gratitude to my Savior. The above account of her life she dictated to her Son a short time before her end. She was much beloved and respected by all who knew her both here and at Duckenfield, and had proved a blessing to many. Soon after her arrival at Bayldon, she heard of an old lady, in one of whose tenements we had our former meeting place, one of our Brethren occupying the house; but being unfriendly and prejudiced against us, she gave us warning to quit the premises, which proved the occasions of our building the present small chapel and schoolhouse. Our late sister visited this lady and by means of her conversations gained her entire affection and confidence. The old lady became sensible of her lost condition, sought for grace and the commission of sins thro’ the atoning blood of Jesus, which she also found and departed this life in peace. She was greatly interested in the prosperity of the Society at Bayldon, and when her son and the preacher, who occasionally attended there from. Fulneck, where ready to converge ​​​​​​​by the small number who came to the

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chapel, and the apparent want of fruit to choir labours, as for some years there had been no increase to the Society, but rather a diminution in member, owing to the departure of several of the first member; she animated them to do their part faithfully, saying the Lord would not be wanting on his side, adding: “You will see (better) brighter Days, after I am gone.”. *Their expectation was strikingly verified. At the funeral oration, previous to the interment, which I was favoured to deliver on May 15. 1799. I had the pleasure to see all the seats in the chapel occupied, tho’ it was at the early hour of 7 in the morning, to gain time for conveying her remains to Fulneck, where she wished to be interred, and which is at the distance of 8 miles. The numerous procession, which followed her corpse that long way, pleasingly proved the great esteem entertained for her by high and low in Bayldon. And when on Lord’s Day, June 9, I again officiated there, and previous to the afternoon sermon, read the above narration of her life, the meeting place was crowded and many stood before the door. From that time the preachings continued ​​​​​​​to be numerously attended, so that the chapel was found too small, and the foundation stone for a new one was laid March.28.1806. The Society also increased. A few weeks after her departure 8 new members were added to the same. At her death their number was 17, exactly as many as she found in connexion with the Brethren, other first coming to Bayldon. And when I left Yorkshire in 1804, their number was between 40 and 50. and I learn by letters that they continued to increase in number and grace.

 

*[inserted as note: She had for many years been troubled with a violent cough, which sometimes deprived her of natural rest; yet she never murmured, lest her complaint be ever so great; but always prayed for resignation, and relied on Him, who had never forsaken or disappointed her. Her son saying to her on the Day of her Departure: “My Dear mother, I wish our Savior would raise you up even more;” she replied: “Do not keep me back, let me go freely; it will be best for me now; I want to be gone and to see my Dear Savior.” At noon, her son wishing her to take some nourishment, she said: “I’ve no mind for eating or for drinking, Food, which might corrupt again; If God’s bread that’s heavenly I am thinking Jesus’ flesh I would obtain, Who was made man of the Lord of David, And his blood is drink, O how I crave it From earth’s life to be set free In loves’ immortality.” She added, “That is what I want.” At 8 in the evening she found breathing very difficult. Her son looking at her with earnest concern, she turned her eyes to him, as it were, to comfort him and said: “Tho’ waves and storming o’er my head, Tho health and strength and friends be gone, Shortness of breath preventing her from finishing this her favourite verse, she said to her son, Go on; which he did as follows: “Tho’ joys be withered ill and fled, Tho’ every comfort be with withdrawn; Stedfast on this my soul relies, Jesus, thy mercy never dies.” She joined in the last lines, and then said, that is it. For sometimes after this she continued labouring under great difficulty of breathing, and at length was very desirous to have her bed made. Being placed on

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another, she appeared covered with a cold sweat. When put again into her own bed, she prayed distinctly: “Dear Savior, come and fetch me thy poor sinner home; come, dear Savior, and fetch me.” Soon after this her son thought she had been asleep, but her breath grew shorter and shorter. Thus she expired in the most gentle and peaceful in manner and went over to see him, whom here she loved, and whom she also served to the utmost of her power, with great faithfulness. Her pilgrimage here below lasted 82 years 3 months and 3 days. “She is now with the Lord at home; Our humble expectation Is, that he’ll let us also come, To join that congregation.”

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